All-New Movie Jibber-Jabber: Alien Covenant

Welcome to All-New Movie Jibber-Jabber. Every other week I'll be dishing on the most recent releases and throwing out some suggestions for your summer weekend viewing. Let's get started:

Alien: Covenant ... or Evan vs. Sam: Requiem

Evan: Sam, I didn't like "Alien Covenant."

Sam: Shocker. I could feel you disliking it as I saw you sinking in your seat and twirling your hair out of the corner of my eye. I ate it up. I imagine there will be a lot of talk about how it doesn't breathe new life into the franchise. I'd argue that the space crew consisting of couples is a unique touch that adds emotional heft to the plot right off the bat. Also, while the other films are essentially monster movies, this one creates fear largely through the disturbingly sophisticated "synthetic" character, David (Michael Fassbender in a masterfully menacing turn). Like the best films in the franchise, the aliens are secondary to the characters here. What didn't you enjoy?

Evan: Hah. My review — here — makes the accusation that "Covenant" doesn't breathe new life into the franchise, and I stand by it. I agree that the couples approach was interesting, as was Scott's incorporation of explicitly religious characters and themes. But I think it fell apart in the third act, when the aliens supplanted all the characters and completely dominated the story. David's great — his stuff is amazing — and we should talk about that, but I was curious how you felt about the third-act turn that switches the movie from "haunted exploration" to "Alien 4: On a Ship Again."

Sam: All of the early films have third acts that focus on aliens wreaking havoc. So what? It's a big blockbuster genre movie. We expect to see the aliens and characters running around the ship just like we expect to see the characters in the third act of a slasher movie fleeing through a forest.

Considering all of the intimate, dialogue-driven drama that leads up to it, I can't dismiss the movie based on the fact that the last 30 minutes consists of sci-fi action that pays homage to earlier entries in the series. I think we get too hung up on the parts here and there that feel familiar to us and don't think about the fact that this could be some people's introduction to the series. For me, the third act was simply a satisfying trip down memory lane, a bit of popcorn entertainment to munch on after heartier drama. Plus, the film ultimately comes back around to the more interesting conflicts going on between David and the crew. How do you like them apples?

Evan: I think the apples, in this case, are rotten. It's true this might be someone's introduction to the franchise, but that doesn't mean it needs to lapse into a poorly choreographed retread just because. The movie goes to great lengths to redefine the Alien as more than just a slasher monster, but rather a statement on hubris and creation. David, with his Lucifer-visage and Eden-torn-asunder home, is biblical, the Alien his "perfect" being, a demonic perversion of life itself. In a way the return to biblical notions calls back to a movie we both love, "Alien 3." But most of that is ultimately forgotten in the third act, and with it the grandiosity of the film's core. It drops all questions of faith and temptation in favor of, well, the Alien doing Alien things. We may expect it, but is that really what you want to see in a sequel — simple retread? At least "Alien 3" created an entirely new mood and setting for its do-over.

Sam: To me, a description of the last act as a massive part of the movie that ruins it is a bit overblown and unrealistic considering we're talking about 25, 30 minutes of fun action. At least I am. Also, at the end of the day, the Alien is always a wild monster. That's what makes David's obsession with it so interesting. After seeing these Aliens wreak havoc, we wonder: Why is this sophisticated, fiercely intelligent synthetic obsessed with creating something so feral? He treats humans as "neanderthals" yet he is committed to these Aliens that are even wilder animals. The chaos they cause clashes with his disturbingly composed nature. I'd say the chaos at the end tests the characters' faith as well. And to see them fighting after losing everyone they love is powerful. Plus, it ends with a note of grandiosity — a conclusion that hints at a huge creation to come. Where do you want to see the series go?

Evan: I'm not quite sure where I'd want the series to go — maybe nowhere. Maybe Michael Bay's take on Alien v. Predator, starring Mark Wahlberg. Who knows. I do know I wouldn't mind seeing more of David, but I'd want it to be low-budget, more solemn, pensive, interesting. I think the parts of "Covenant" that bothered me were the parts that went big and broad, action where there could have been more reflection and confrontation with David. I love David's obsession with creating something perfect when he doesn't understand life in any way, shape, or form. Perhaps a super-cut of his scenes in "Prometheus" and here would tell the story I'm more interested in, and any sequel to this I really hope would focus even more intently on him rather than another doomed crew. I think the third act suffers even more for the fact that it's double-sized; there are two aliens, two "thrilling" near-misses, none of which let the characters truly understand the horror they're facing, and both of which feel like direct lifts of previous Alien confrontations. The last part of the movie feels so detached, impersonal from a movie that built such personal stories. Where do you want the series to go?

Sam: Part of David's mission, it seems, is to kill humans. So, I'd say it's necessary to see the aliens he created hunt down the characters in the last act. I understand your frustration with its familiarity, but I think you're dismissing this as a bad movie based on a pretty small portion of well-worn territory. But we could go round and round with this issue. I don't want more crews of space truckers either, although I found this team engaging. I'd want a more intimate, offbeat drama like "Alien 3." Hell, maybe bring back the "wooden world of monks" concept that was ditched in the pre-production phase of that one. Maybe do a sequel with just David raising the aliens and show them adapting to the wild like the neanderthals in "Quest for Fire." I don't mind the action, but I'd love to see something more pared down as well. (Maybe we should end here and go into ranking the series.)

Evan: The wooden world of monks sounds like something that would fit with the pseudo-religious territory Scott is so excited about. How would you rank the movies so far, and why?

Sam:

8. "AVP: Alien vs. Predator": At least "Requiem" doesn't take itself so seriously. 7. "AVP: Requiem": This one is so bad it's good. 6. "Alien: Resurrection": I enjoy watching Clone Ripley shoot hoops and fuck an Alien. 5. "Prometheus": It evokes discovery and dread, a warm feeling of familiarity and a bold chill of something new. A highly satisfying prequel. 4. "Covenant": You know how I feel. 3. "Alien 3": This one is actually my personal favorite. To me, it's the one in which the weight of Ripley's history with the Alien is most palpable and poignant. "You've been in my life so long, I can't remember anything else," she says. The prison setting is fitting given how Ripley is living in limbo, held captive by her fear and always waiting for the alien to strike again. 2. "Alien": An unforgettable, iconic classic. A "haunted house in space" story that crawls under your skin. 1. "Aliens": This feels like the film that defines the franchise with its potent blend of action, horror and sci-fi spectacle.

Evan: Interesting order. We aren't far off. Heck, our oldest conversations were about our mutual interest in "Alien 3," which is certainly the most defensible of the post-"Aliens" sequels. For me, it would be:

8. "AVP: Alien v. Predator": It's a tragic case of a great idea made utterly bland by master of the workman doldrum, Mr. Paul W.S. Anderson. I caught this on TV while working out recently and it was made slightly better by the "mute" button being on.

7. "Alien: Resurrection": The first I saw in theaters (as a 7-year-old), it's also the second schlockiest, but without any self-awareness. Ron Perlman and our boy Michael Wincott are fun to see, and Weaver's great as the half-Alien, half-Ripley hybrid. But it's also gross, in a way the "Alien" films hadn't been before, and in a way they haven't been since.

6. "Alien: Covenant": It pains me to rank it this low but "Covenant" just didn't do it for me. It had elements of greatness, but those couldn't escape what felt like an otherwise lifeless sequel.

5. "AVP: Requiem": The schlockiest of the schlock. It fully embraces the sheer lunacy of an AVP match-up. It's terrible yet also infinitely rewatchable.

4. "Prometheus": I'm not big on "Prometheus," but it's also more beautiful and ambitious than other "Alien" movies.

3. "Alien 3": For all the reasons you stated above, certainly.

2. / 1. "Aliens" & "Alien": Too different; they're tied.

That's it for this double-sized Jibber-Jabber.