Atom Age Vampire (1960)
Before Edward and Bella were suffering through their tortured love amidst the "Twilight," there was...
Professor Alberto Levin and Jeanette Moreneau.
Mmm hmm. That's right.
Oh Jeanette, the poorly dubbed stripper, that's right, stripper, who becomes horribly, horribly - alright not really so horribly - somewhat disfigured when she is involved in a car accident.
With one side of her face horribly, horribly...scarred Jeanette can not bring herself to be seen by her beloved Pierre. Lucky for her, a mysterious woman by the name of Monique convinces her to pack her things and head for the home of Professor Alberto Levin, who may be her only chance for a cure.
But her dreamy...okay not so dreamy, more like creepy...doctor in shining armor has a dark side.
And her cure (bum bum bummmm) comes with a price.
Professor Levin's specialty is apparently in curing odd dermatological disfigurations by way of a super secret serum. But his one failure is in making his cure permanent, so there is the need for the occasional gland transplant. Consumed by his love for Jeanette, Levin is led to reckless behavior that even his trusty, mute sidekick can't keep him from.
It's very hard to distinguish any good parts or bad parts of this film, and here's why. It has a completely absurd story with all the necessary elements: the mad doctor, two beautiful women, a rogue knight in shining armor being kept from the woman he loves and the aforementioned odd sidekick. There are even police officers not so hot on the trail of mysterious murders taking place in the city and in apparent, constant disagreement over the health benefits of smoking. I swear the last part is true. It even has an amazing scene in which Levin transforms via special effects make-up which is absolutely, unbelievably, indescribable.
But the fact is - the story is too absurd, the dubbing is too odd and out of place, the acting is unbelievably bad and it's all so bad that's not worth the one or two bits that might warrant a small sarcastic grin. Even the actors look bored. Except for Alberto Lupo (Levin) who seems to really enjoy being a bad actor.
Edward and Bella would be devastated.
There is, however, a lesson in the 1960 Italian film 'Seddok, l'erede di Satana' or 'Atom Age Vampire.' And that lesson is: time is precious. Don't waste it on poorly dubbed foreign horror movies that aren't actually about vampires at all.