(Botched) Alien Invasions of Earth

They’re coming! (Again). Extra terrestrials are a constant in movie history, forever trying to overtake our green and pleasant land and abduct our loved ones. Joint directors Strause and Strause attempt to bring about another invasion with ‘Skyline’. Will these aliens be successful this time around? Lets delve into past attempts at take over and find out what went wrong.

Independence Day

A prime example of summer blockbuster. Every movie goer left the theatre in the summer of 1996 happily satiated. It had an all American Marine pilot Captain Steve Hiller (Will Smith of course as lead action star), lots of big alien battles, Bill Pullman as forthright President Thomas J. Whitmore and tear jerking speech giver and more cheesy lines than ever heard in any movie gone before. Plus, the aliens blew up the White House! The doggy was saved from the tunnel, all broken relationships were resolved and the aliens were defeated by a computer virus and nuclear bomb combo in one hell of a blockbuster ending.

Aliens foiled by: A computer virus is uploaded into the alien ship by Steve Hiller (Will Smith), David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and not forgetting the suicide attack by original abduction survivor Russell Casse (Randy Quaid).

War of the Worlds

With Spielberg at the helm the only thing left from H. G. Wells’ original novel and radio play is the skeleton plot. Tom Cruise stars in this 2005 version doing what he does best, full throttle action star. After Ray Ferrier’s kids Rachel (Dakota Fanning) and Robbie (Justin Chatwin) are dropped off for a weekend visit a more than vicious lightening storm rains down around his home. Next, massive tripods with aliens at the helm emerge from below ground, eliminating every human with its death ray. Ray and his kiddies manage to break away however this is short lived when, after a nail biting scene where the family hide in the basement of a house with crazy Harlan Ogilvy (Tim Robbins), they are taken up in cages by the walking tripods.

Aliens foiled by: the air we breath which they apparently cannot.

Mars Attacks!

Apart from being a most excellent example of B movie style this film has more famous names than you can shake a stick at. Even Welsh crooner Tom Jones is along for the ride, battling the heinously ugly green aliens alongside Danny DeVito. What more could you ask for? As with any failed attempt at invasion the way to defeat them is simple. This time it’s old Grandma Florence Norris (Sylvia Sidney) and her love of yodeling Slim Whitman which is too much for these creatures brains to handle. Surprising really considering their size.

Aliens foiled by: Slim Whitman’s “Indian Love Call”

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

More specifically, the 1956 version directed by Don Siegel and starring Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter. After receiving visits from paranoid patients claiming there is something strangely different about their relatives, small town doctor Miles J. Bennell (McCarthy) slowly begins to realise there is something dark at work. His former girlfriend Becky Driscoll (Wynter) asks him to visit her cousin who insists that her father Ira (Tom Fadden) is not who he appears to be. They go to investigate at a friends house where a blank human form found in the basement is slowly taking on the appearance of Jack Belicec (King Donovan). When most of the townsfolk have been transformed they turn on Miles and Becky and attempt to transform them also. They go on the run and hide out in an abandoned mine. Becky falls asleep and falls victim but Miles escapes onto the highway.

Aliens foiled by: we never find out.

The X-Files

Mulder and Scully’s escapades in the TV series are taken to the big screen in order for the alien conspiracy plot to be explored further. A little boy falls into a hole in Texas and is taken over by that pesky black oil from the series. A cover up attempt doesn’t pull the wool over Mulder’s eyes and he embarks on a mission to find the truth, helped along by Dr Alvin Kurtsweil (Martin Landau). After a visit to a spooky corn field and a barn filled with special bees Scully is stung on the neck and kidnapped by fake paramedics. Mulder races against time to find her in Antarctica and administer the antidote (given to him by The Well-Manicured Man along with the co-ordinates where he can find her, strange in itself). This takes him to an alien spacecraft buried in the ice and they escape by the skin of their teeth. The most annoying part of this movie is that Scully is conveniently passed out when the craft passes over their heads, she awakes just as it disappears from view.

Aliens foiled by: Mulder’s drive to rescue Scully.