Bullet Train
Brad Pitt stars as a reformed hitman in this blood-spattered cartoon of an action romp.
Rarely does a movie so filled to the brim with bloody death and vulgarity remind me of Saturday-morning cartoons, but that’s where my mind went during Bullet Train. Its breakneck pace and cast of vaguely-named and colorfully-dressed characters (each given their own animated nametag upon introduction) give it a comic energy that is further exaggerated by a silly script and ridiculous action beats.
Brad Pitt’s “Ladybug” is our focal point (though screentime is shared more evenly with other cast members than one might expect), a hitman who has recently been in a lot of therapy and begun a journey of self-healing. He’s done with guns, and is getting back to work after his hiatus by doing “simple smash-and-grab” missions—ideally jobs that don’t involve killing people. He wants that negativity out of his life.
His handler, a disembodied female voice in his ear who keeps tabs on his mission progress and generally tolerates his parroted self-help truisms, has directed him to a bullet train in Tokyo where he is to find a particular briefcase and extract it unnoticed. One stop, on-and-off. Easy-peasy.
Of course, Ladybug happens to have unknowingly gotten on a train with countless other hitmen—none of whom have undergone the same psychiatric treatment to develop such compunctions about killing as he has, and all of whom want that briefcase, for some reason or another. Most of them also have some kind of history with Ladybug; none of it good.
What ensues is a hyperviolent game of keep-away in a metal tube, with a dozen different killers crossing blades with not only Ladybug, but with one another. Each assassin has something of a theme or shtick that distinguishes them, such that every engagement, whether conversation or combat, feels unique.
The film opens with the story of Yuichi, “The Father,” (Andrew Koji) a man whose son was pushed off a rooftop and is now in critical condition. After his own father, “The Elder,” (Hiroyuki Sanada) rebukes him for failing to protect his family, Yuichi swears vengeance on the person who harmed his son, and his trail of evidence leads him to the train.
There, he finds his target, “The Prince” (Joey King). A young, posh, and masterfully manipulative woman masquerading as a clueless, innocent schoolgirl. She has bigger plans for Yuichi, and quickly turns the tables on him, making him into her reluctant lackey. This marks another fun role for King to sink her teeth into, while Koji’s talents remain sadly underutilized by yet another American film.
“The Twins,” codenamed Lemon and Tangerine (Brian Tyree Henry and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, respectively), are given the most to do as chosen brothers who do all their jobs together and bicker along the way. They were hired to find and protect the son of a mysterious and dangerous crime lord named “The White Death,” along with recovering his briefcase.
The son (Logan Lerman) seems to be a bit of a deadbeat, from the start… but particularly so after he’s poisoned to death early on in the film. With their job for one of the most dangerous men on Earth having gone irreparably sideways, Lemon and Tangerine seek desperately for a cover up and a way out. Ladybug seems to be the perfect fall guy.
There are other zany killers, including “The Wolf” (Bad Bunny), “The Hornet” (Zazie Beetz), and eventually, of course, Mr. White Death himself, whom I’ll leave unnamed (though it is readily available on IMDb). Some last longer than others, though all are given a montaged and heavily stylized backstory.
These tidbits of character info are fun and frenetic, and their rapid delivery thankfully avoids bogging down the movie too much. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if, by 90 minutes into the movie, we really needed to learn the background of a seventh character who dies less than 3 minutes after being introduced. It’s a clunky and somewhat cookie-cutter approach to worldbuilding that insists on explaining every single character’s presence in the story. I really can’t complain too much, though; these segments eat up minimal time and are mostly pretty entertaining vignettes.
But the film is really at its best when it stays on the train, in the here and now. Ladybug’s fight scenes are hilariously chaotic, since the intent-to-kill is always one-sided and he’s just trying to de-escalate every encounter. “There’s a wall between us,” he says to all of his assailants, in futile attempts to peacefully “process” the tension between them. Brad Pitt (with help from stuntmen, I assume) does a great job balancing the dumb-goofball levity of Ladybug with the high-intensity action. Think the haggard physicality of Bob Odenkirk in Nobody, but with the lax affability of an Ashton Kutcher character.
It stands to reason that the action is the highlight, as director David Leitch is a well-decorated Hollywood action man, having previously directed John Wick, Deadpool 2, and Atomic Blonde, and having worked as a stunt performer in countless movies before that, including The Matrix sequels and The Bourne Ultimatum.
The refreshing element of the violence in Bullet Train largely comes from the comedy that’s blended in, owing perhaps more to the fun and lighthearted work of Jackie Chan than the grim brutality of something like The Raid—though this film’s graphic violence certainly leans toward the latter. Ladybug’s insistence on “peaceful” resolution leads him to some creative and silly strategies to stay alive and come out on top. Unfortunately for his attackers, Ladybug seems to have terrible luck when it comes to keeping people alive.
There’s a wanton, callous disregard for human life in Leitch’s film that some may find off-putting, especially for a film featuring a protagonist who seems to be reformed but still causes a lot of death (mostly played for laughs), but it should come as no surprise to anyone whose seen his prior work. Also potentially trying is the sometimes-juvenile humor in the script. Personally, this movie’s verbal comedy landed a lot more than it didn’t—perhaps that’s owed to the stellar cast and their ability to sell it. But I could see the twelfth joke about Lemon’s worldview being entirely formed by Thomas the Tank Engine getting old for others. Fortunately, Bullet Train never skirts Deadpool 2 territory, when it comes to coke-addled immaturity.
The story and all its complicated machinations, as well as where it all ends up, are silly and stupid from head to toe. But it’s the perfect vehicle for this cast of cartoon-like characters and over-the-top violence. It’s like a playground of comedy and death—or maybe a Japanese RPG? It’s meant to be a roller coaster ride, and it’s a fun one. The sprinkling of earnest emotional drama that it does have? I mean, it resonated pretty well for me. Having just come off of Marcel the Shell, I did not expect the next movie to squeeze my heart to be Bullet Train.
Come for the creative, funny, and kinetic action; stay for Brad Pitt’s continual re-reinvention(?) of himself as Hollywood’s oldest himbo, and a supporting cast that fills the movie end-to-end with intriguing caricatures.