Caligula: The Ultimate Cut

The infamous 1979 porn/costume drama crossover is being re-released in theaters and home video in a new edit that sacrifices some of the most egregiously icky stuff, but can't quite save it.

Oh, boy. This film...

For boys of a certain age (I know, I was one of them), the naughty 1979 costume epic "Caligula" was a must-watch on home video in the early 1980s. Until you watched it. 

Thanks to artist Thomas Negovan spending three years of his life dedicated to re-editing the film, making the plot easier to follow and removing post-production footage that  producer Bob Guccione (more on that in a bit) had... inserted into the film. 

Negovan sifted through 96 hours of raw footage. The result being an almost three-hour "Caligula: The Ultimate Cut." The film has been released by Drafthouse films in select cinemas nationwide (not Indy, of course) and getting a release on DVD and Blu-Ray plus a four disc limited edition including 4K Ultra HD and a CD of the film's score by Bruno Nicolai.

Does Thomas Negovan salvage what producer Bob Guiccone ruined? Film lovers, get ready for the most enthusiastic 2 Yap review in Film Yap's history.

"Caligula" was called the most expensive independent film of all time and has a presence on many "Worst Film Ever" lists. The decadent story of the rise and very bloody fall of Caligula Caesar (Malcolm McDowell, the film's MVP) in ancient Rome was produced by Penthouse founder Bob Guccione.

Maybe Guccione was jealous that Hugh Hefner and his Playboy empire got to produce Roman Polanski's "Macbeth" earlier that decade. The pornography genre (both softcore and hardcore) had a brief moment out of the dank theaters and into the sun in the 1970s. Titles like "Deep Throat" (Go check out the great Brian Grazer-produced documentary "Inside Deep Throat," released by Universal Pictures), "Behind the Green Door," "The Devil and Miss Jones" and the "Emmanuelle" series were playing in non-porn house and seen by non-trenchcoat-wearing patrons.

Guccione wanted to make a splashy Hollywood-level epic with big name stars and a lot of skin and physical activity and boy, did he ever. In spite of himself. Mainstream audiences weren't ready for it then. Most of them aren't now.

Before I jump into the cinema pile that is "Caligula," I must bring up the updated start of the film. The "Star Wars" series forever ruined the narrative opening crawl. There have been numerous parodies over the years of floating words setting the scene/the era/etc. The original "Caligula" had one of these.

"Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" has two, clocking in at a combined 2:30. Place card discussing the history of the film's production and then the original crawl setting up the story.

McDowell plays the title role as a spoiled brat ready, oh so ready, for power. His lust for the throne could make John, Geoffrey and Richard from "The Lion in Winter" blush. McDowell has on-screen support from Dame Helen Mirren (pre-"Excalibur," post-"Savage Messiah") as Caesonia, Sir John Gielgud as Nerva, Peter O'Toole (he declined a knighthood) as Caligula's near-death great uncle Tiberius and Teresa Ann Savoy as Caligula's sister and his dream-bride Drusilla.

One Tiberius dies (Both O'Toole and Gielgud don't even last an hour on screen), Caligula takes over Rome like a demented kid in a phallic-shaped candy store. Mass executions with extravagant beheading tools, consummating the marriage of a virgin bride and her groom at their wedding (check out their wedding cakes!), opening a brothel made up of senator's wives who Caligula calls "the biggest whores of them all."

He wants to marry his sister (that's where sis draws the line). Instead he weds Caesonia (Mirren) against his sister's wishes... but not enough to stop a three-way from happening.

Imagine one person having all that power. Actually, don't.

Filmed in 1976, the film wouldn't be released in Italy until 1979 and in the United States a year later. Gore Vidal wrote the screenplay and had his name taken off the film due to clashes over script changes of which he objected (the credit reads "adapted from a screenplay by Gore Vidal"). Director Tinto Brass had his name taken off the film (his credit read "principal photography by Tinto Brass”).

After editing the first hour of the film, Guccione fired Brass and took over editing. Guccione and a skeleton crew returned to the studio and shot new footage of Penthouse Pets doing... what Penthouse Pets are known for doing. A lot.

In the wonderful documentary "O Lucky Malcolm" (part of the Warner Brothers Stanley Kubrick boxset), McDowell tells the tale of watching "Caligula" for the first time. There's a scene of him looking at one of his animals. CUT TO: two women having sex for several minutes before cutting back to a smiling Caligula. Even if one wanted to appreciate McDowell's performance (more on that later), these scenes are more than a bit jarring.

The film was a financial hit in most of Europe and Japan. Guccione worked on getting the film released in arthouse cinemas in the U.S. instead of porn houses. There were legal issues with the film in New York City, Boston, Atlanta and Madison, Wis.

Depending on how big/small your hometown was and the guts of its video store owners, there was an R-rated version of "Caligula" available for rent as well as an unrated version. Guccione wanted to avoid an X in the states so he didn't submit the film to the film ratings board. A porn magnet afraid of an "X" rating? Guccione knew most newspapers, radio and television stations would not run ads for X-rated films. I'll save the rant about the flawed film rating system for another time.

Over the years, there have been several different cuts of the film's release worldwide. I was able to rent the unrated version (thank you, long-closed non-chain video store in Flint, Michigan!) back in my younger days. Like many grubby young boys claiming to be film fans, my first impression of "Caligula" was  big name stars over-acting, a lot of scenes of men in robes talking, interrupted by scenes of heavy nudity, sex scenes of all kinds and some moments of brutality that happened in ancient Rome.

Just not on our television screens while praying Mom and Dad don't come home early from work. 

Yes, high-profile critics like Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert (they picked "Caligula" as one of "The Dogs of 1980") dismiss this film as total trash and said it wasted the talents of McDowell, O'Toole, Gielgud and Mirren. Yes, I would love to have seen a Shakespeare film with this quartet. Think about how much worse this film would have been without them. McDowell's performance alone scrapes a lot of scum off this final product and added a star to this review.

Malcolm McDowell has had a long and eclectic acting career. His energy as a spoiled emperor who thinks himself a God has the same gleeful menace as Alex in "A Clockwork Orange" (1971) and the rebellion of Mick Travis from "If..." (1968). Even little moments like correcting where one of his minions could stand near him during a meeting or when Caligula slides across a marble floor shows that McDowell is up for trying anything.

In the 1970s, Gielgud was paid handsomely to show up and be Sir John Gielgud. This time around, it required him to mostly play ill and be stuck in a bathtub as Nerva. O'Toole (covered in sores as his character is near-death) has bellowed in much better films before "Caligula" ("The Lion in Winter," "The Ruling Class") and since ("The Stunt Man"). Besides being visually stunning, Mirren has more to do in this cut of the film. Mirren and McDowell worked previously in "O Lucky Man" and their chemistry shows. 

"Caligula" is also a very ugly film to watch at times. Production design and uncredited costume design was by Danilo Donati, whose other credits include Fellini films like "Satyricon" (just costumes), "Roma" (both)  "Amarcord" (both) and "Casanova" (just costumes) and boy, does it show. I'm hoping budget costs were saved by reusing and/or using Fellini design rejects. Like those films, it's supposed to have an unattractive look about them. Caligula is an emperor, not a designer. Kinda like… an all-gold apartment in New York City or Mar-A-Lago.

"Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" keeps such ugly scenes as a guard punished for drunkenness by having a string wrapped around... down there, forced to drink a pitcher of wine and then stabbed in the stomach. If you pay attention to numerous scenes with a lot of background extras, you'll notice a lot of... solo and group activities. There's also a birth moment with a baby crowning. Not really a spoiler alert, but it does not end well for the Caligula family, including their child. You get to see all of it (including the death of a child, a deal-breaker for some audience members), followed by the clean-up crew washing away all the blood before the new emperor arrives.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

"Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" captures the decadence and ugliness that can come with power, warts and all for better and for worse. Compared to the Bob Guccione cut of "Caligula," "The Ultimate Cut" will make you take a shorter shower afterwards. "The Ultimate Cut" is an improvement, but it's still not for everyone.

McDowell has given "Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" his blessing by saying that this is not Guccione's film anymore. Fans of McDowell's work (and the other non-porn members of the cast) can still enjoy the performance and fast-forward if they want. Mirren calls it "An irresistible mix of art and genitals." If anything else, "Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" proves that it is actually true... you can polish a turd.

Matthew Socey is the host/producer of the Film Soceyology podcast for wfyi.org.