Christmas Bloody Christmas
Christmas horror sleaze that's certain to please.
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For those of y’all who like having a little horror injected into your holiday offerings (think Bob Clark’s “Black Christmas,” Joe Dante’s “Gremlins,” the “Silent Night, Deadly Night” franchise, Steven C. Miller’s “Silent Night” or Chris Peckover’s “Better Watch Out”) along comes writer/director Joe Begos’ “Christmas Bloody Christmas” (available in select theaters including Emagine Noblesville in Noblesville, Ind. and to stream on Shudder beginning Friday, Dec. 9).
I’ll be honest with y’all. I felt the need to watch this fairly straightforward 87-minute slasher flick twice in order to deliver a fair and honest review. My first watch would seem a perfect scenario – I’d just seen the David Harbour-fronted “Violent Night” theatrically (really dug it BTW), I was working on getting drunk as a skunk and the Mrs. (with whom I watched both movies) and I were in a jovial and chatty mood. Perhaps too chatty as I missed a lot of Begos’ obscenity-laced and pop culture-laden dialogue. Second go-around I was solo and sober as a judge and surprisingly the film worked much better for me. It easily went from a two or two and a half out of five stars to a three or three and a half … still deliberating as of this writing.
AnnaSophia Robb look-alike Riley Dandy (“Interceptor”) stars as Tori Tooms (Why can’t pieces of pop culture ever spell my last name right? I’m looking at you “The X-Files” and you too “Spider-Man: Homecoming.” (Toomes? GTFOH!) Be more like “The Chronicles of Riddick” and Nick Chinlund’s bounty hunter character! They came correct!) Tori’s a hard-partyin’/ hard-talkin’ record store owner who can out-earn, out-fight and out-fuck any man in town. This includes her employee Robbie Reynolds (Australian actor Sam Delich of “Spiderhead”).
It’s Christmas Eve and Tori and Robbie have intentions of partying with their pals Jay (new “Mystery Science Theater 3000” host Jonah Ray Rodrigues) and Lahna (Begos regular Dora Madison). Unfortunately, a killer, robotic Santa Claus (Indianapolis native and former Brugge Brasserie co-owner Abraham Benrubi) has intentions of thwarting their plans by ending their lives. If the police in the form of Sheriff Monroe (Rob Zombie regular Jeff Daniel Phillips) and Officer Smith (Jeremy Gardner, “Offseason”) can’t get their paws on Claus, it’ll be up to Tori to take out the trash.
This is only the second film of Begos’ I’ve seen (the other being 2019’s “VFW”) and I gotta say I dig his brand of sleaze. “Christmas Bloody Christmas” more than lives up to its title … it’s visceral with the viscera. The first half is a fun hangout movie. (The characters all largely sound the same, but their dialogue is entertaining and probably serves as a bit of Begos editorializing. I too prefer “Pet Sematary Two” to “Pet Sematary” (1989) and don’t hate “Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2” like a lot of folks do.) The second half is an unrelenting (and to some extent unending) sci-fi-tinged slasher flick. It’s a neon-hued nightmare that’s sex positive (both fronts and backs get eaten out) and unmerciful (even youngsters receive no quarter).
You likely already know if this mash-up of “The Terminator” and “Silent Night, Deadly Night” is your particular brand of Eggnog or not. It did turn me onto Bad Religion’s “Christmas Songs” album for which I’m grateful. That seals it. Congrats on that three and a half star rating, Begos!