Iconic Italian horror director Dario Argento brings to us one of the worst "Dracula" adaptations in recent memory. "Dracula 3D" is well below the standards we've come to expect from Argento. Hell, it's even below Uwe Boll standards of filmmaking.
Argento's Dracula vision is an off-kilter detour course for one of the most praised directors in the horror genre, and one that has made a career of spectacular visuals and fantastical storytelling. "Dracula 3D" is not only riddled with hilariously shoddy CGI effects, but the story itself is a near mirror image of the original story with nothing new or original brought to the table. Needless to say, this marks quite the misstep for a director who has quite possibly lost his touch in his old age.
Unlike similar atrocities such as "Dracula 2000," which takes place in the 21st century, "Dracula 3D" is a loose period piece rife with bountiful bosoms and neck-ripping fang action. That's all well and good, but the schlocky pieces don't manage to add up. The only single spark of originality comes in the form of an uproariously bad giant praying mantis, which is truly a sight to behold. Despite the giant bugs and even bigger breasts, "Dracula 3D" is not the schlocky droids you're looking for.
The story is as wasteful and dumbfounding as the casting choices. Rutger Hauer plays Van Helsing, who doesn't make an appearance until the final act of the film. Asia Argento plays her same vapid self with a topless scene to round out her character's needless inclusion, which begs the question: Why exactly is Argento casting his own daughter in the role of the topless vixen? Merely more evidence to substantiate Argento's senility.
If this weren't enough to steer clear from, the unnecessary 3D tag really ties everything together in a neat unwatchable package. The Blu-ray release offers both 2D and 3D versions, but no matter your viewing preference, "Dracula 3D" manages to play out as a two-hour joke without a punchline. At times, the movie resembles that of a late-'70s era Hammer horror film, but to draw such comparisons would merely raise expectations that should be lowered before viewing.
The Blu-ray extras include a behind-the-scenes featurette, a "Kiss Me Dracula" music video and a handful of trailers. Ultimately, "Dracula 3D" is as listless and underwhelming as the special features included on the Blu-ray.
Film: 1.5 Yaps Extras: 2 Yaps