Heartland: A Sexplanation

Filmmaker Alex Liu goes on a journey to address his own sexual upbringing and the role of sex ed in America in this refreshing, honest and surprisingly funny documentary.

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Do you remember having “the talk” with your parents? The one about the birds and the bees, love and marriage… seemingly everything but the actual sex part?

Alex Liu, like a lot of us, never really had that talk. A gay Asian-American man to relatively conservative parents, he grew up petrified of his attraction toward other men. So he suffered in silence, explored his sexuality on his own and now, at age 36, is finally ready to have the talk — not just with his parents, but with us, and all of America.

“A Sexplanation” is a refreshing, honest and surprisingly funny documentary that looks at not only one man’s sexual journey, but also the role of sex education in America and how it’s largely letting us down.

Liu talks to scores of experts from all sides of the political and professional spectrum, from a right-wing lawmaker in Utah responsible for anti-sex ed legislation to sex researchers from the Kinsey Institute in Indiana to free love types who think the sooner you start talking to children about their bodies, the better off they’ll be.

He even jerks off in a MRI tube so scientists can study his brain patterns while sexually aroused. Take that, Morgan Spurlock!

One of Liu’s best and most surprising conversations is with a Catholic bishop who is quite upfront about how the church has let down its flock when it comes to sex, describing it as a beautiful thing that’s an integral part of their humanity. He even shocks us by saying that, yes, Jesus was a sexual being, because he was fully human and everybody has sexual urges.

Liu approaches the material not as an idealogue, though he absolutely has a vested interest as someone who grew up ashamed of himself — even to the point of depression and suicidal ideation. Today he seems happy, well-adjusted and curious, but he still has a lot of questions about how he got to be where he is, and if maybe there’s a better way than what we’ve been doing.

One of the biggest pushbacks about formal sex education in schools is that this is something for parents to decide, not teachers. After much back and forth, Liu finds himself agreeing with them, at least to an extent. Parents do need to be involved — literally right alonside their children. He shows us a sex ed class conducted by trained professionals where both parents and their kids are present.

It’s obviously awkward, at least at first — the reaction shots of kids being shown close-up photos of genitals and such is priceless. But it quickly becomes a supportive atmosphere filled with smiles and good conversations.

I think what really makes this movie work is Liu himself. He’s a genuine, humble yet charismatic presence as our sexual tour guide and fellow journeyman. He doesn’t present himself as more evolved or enlightened than his audience, but simply invites us to join him on this trip inside his own experiences, and out into the greater world to ask questions in need of asking.

For example, in introducing himself to the audience, Liu describes his sexuality as “I like dick. I like the way they look, I like the way they feel.” To accentuate his point, he holds up a dong-shaped donut on a stick, which you know is going to get a tasty bite taken out of it.

He trots around good-naturedly, having charming conversations with all sorts of people, always wearing a simple T-shirt that’s at least one size too small. (Is that the official gay uniform these days??)

The heart of the film is Liu’s conversations with his own family. He sits them down at the beginning of the documentary to talk about what he’s doing and why he’s doing it. They’re a little mortified, as you might expect, but supportive.

But the talk at the end is for keeps. He asks his parents about their own sex life, their expectations for his, and other intimate details you never hear families speak about. Such as, did his mom know he was masturbating all the time? Of course she did. You weren’t nearly as discreet as you thought you were, she playfully scolds.

“A Sexplanation” is a little bit naughty, but a whole lot nice. I’d even consider showing it to my almost-11-year-old — the best compliment I can give.