Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)
Imagine being one of only five men on a planet that produces the most beautiful woman from your past into existence. Now imagine that same power uses your memories and fears in an attempt to find a weakness to bring about your extinction.
In "Journey to the Seventh Planet," that is the peril five astronauts find themselves in after a mysterious force causes them to go to sleep as they enter Uranus' orbit and the force embeds itself in their minds. Once on the planet, they find it to be a forested paradise very similar to Earth, maybe a little too similar. One of the crew notices the place where they've landed is just like a place where he spent time in his childhood, and the others begin to notice familiar things from their past as well.
As Eric (Carl Ottosen) talks about the house he grew up in, the others watch it magically appear in the background, windmill and all. They set out for the house in hopes of finding what's behind everything, and they find the house is exactly how Eric remembered it, including a beautiful blonde who surprises them in the kitchen.
Pretty soon, all the astronauts are seeing manifestations of old flames popping up all over the place, taking their minds off the task at hand. The pretty ladies appear and try to seduce them, and with each passing moment it's less likely they will ever make it home.
After Eric lectures the rest of them on what he believes is happening, he leads some of the men into a subterranean cave network in hopes of finding the menace behind all of it. There they encountered a breathing ... something. I describe it as a something because it looks like a gathering of slime that is pulsating as if it's breathing.
During their two excursions beneath the surface, the group encounters a one-eyed rodent-type animal and a giant spider-like creature that just so happens to be shot in a weird tinted black-and-white tone.
Upon further investigation, it seems that the filmmakers used footage from "Earth vs. the Spider" from 1958 because the initial special effects shots were so poor. So, just imagine the amount of nuggets of Schlock gold that ended up on the cutting-room floor. Oh, it breaks the heart.
The alien presence on the planet finally reveals its plans, which include inhabiting one of the astronauts' bodies, hitching a ride back to Earth and then taking over the planet. Will the bad guys ever learn to not tell the good guys their plans? It never works out for them — ever.
Feeling their backs against the wall and with time running out for them to be able to leave the planet, the crew decides to make a stand and fight the presence deep within the cave. Of course, it tries using their fears against them, but the astronauts find a way to defeat the evil force and get off planet just in time.
This Danish made sci-fi flick is as bad as one might think. The plot has more holes than Swiss cheese, the acting is below average and most of the special effects are not up to par — even for a movie made in 1962.
The one-eyed rodent is filmed in stop-motion animation, but it is a far cry from anything Ray Harryhausen did even on his worst day. But that's what makes this flick a great watch. The shots from the laser rifles look to be scratched on the negative itself and the camera is out of focus in a lot of the scenes.
One of the astronauts is played by John Agar Jr., who was a B movie superman after appearing in a string of films with John Wayne. He starred in such classics as "Tarantula," "Revenge of the Creature" and "The Mole People" and gives the best performance of the film.
Everything about "Journey to the Seventh Planet" would land it on most people's "worst of" list, but those aspects make it right at home in the Schlock Vault.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Cix53XRVs&w=514&h=315]