Jurassic World: Dominion

Familiar faces return for an absurdly plotted movie jam-packed full of action

The original “Jurassic Park” in 1993 was one of my favorite movies ever made and it made a big impression on me and many others my age.

It came out the summer before I entered fourth grade and my uncle took us to the theater to see it, even though many kids my age weren’t allowed to see such an intense film. I was immediately enraptured by the special effects, the characters and the exploration of scientific ideas. That moment when you see dinosaurs on the big screen for the first time and John Hammond declares, “Welcome to Jurassic Park” is an eye-opening cinematic wonder equivalent to Willy Wonka opening the doors of the candy-filled room in his factory or when Dorothy enters Munchkin-Land and everything turns to color. There’s a sense of amazement at what you’re seeing.

That’s long been lost with the “Jurassic” franchise, first “Park,” now “World.” CGI creations aren’t surprising and seeing a dinosaur on the big screen is ho-hum, leaving directors following Steven Spielberg to ramp up the action and increase the stakes to an 11. The previous entry, “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom,” introduced two big ideas to take the franchise in new directions: the idea of a human being cloned using the same technology that built “Jurassic Park,” and dinosaurs escaping and roaming the earth to interact with humans.”

In the latest installment, “Jurassic World: Dominion,” we’re given a whole lot of attention given to this human clone storyline, an idea I do not care the least bit about, and yet director Colin Trevorrow (returning to the series) barely bothers to explore the more interesting concept of dinosaurs roaming free. He makes little attempt to show different settings or backdrops for dinosaur attacks, besides a prologue with a few shots and a motorcycle chase through Malta, and instead goes — wait for it — back to Isla Nubar, yet again, for a plot centered around corporate espionage at an evil company.

The story is laughable when you describe it. Ellie Sadler, played by the returning Laura Dern, teams up with Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to infiltrate Biosyn, the successor to InGen, to find evidence that they genetically engineers super-Locusts to destroy the world’s food supply so farmers will be forced to buy Biosyn seeds. The head of the company, played by Campbell Scott, strongly resembles Tim Cook and clumsily fumbles through his evil plan with clunky dialogue.

Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard and others simultaneously return to save the cloned 14-year-old girl and a baby velociraptor from the evil headquarters too. Chris Pratt has never been worse in a movie (and I’m usually a fan).

The biggest problem with this movie is I simply did not care. I didn’t care about the characters or the plot or the stakes. Tell me: Why shouldn’t I root for the CGI-dinosaurs to eat the poorly-fleshed-out protagonists? Why?

The dialogue is so flat and bland that even Jeff Goldblum comes off as uninteresting. There are deep conversations about the moral/scientific implications. There aren’t even any clever action-movie one-liners. I honestly rolled my eyes a lot.

There are attempts to relive the nostalgia of the original, including bringing back the old cast and duplicating the famous spitting-dinosaur scene. But it all feels so forced. Even the score of the movie feels unnatural, with the familiar notes from the 1993 movie coming in at really jarring and unneeded times to try to force audiences to connect this newest incarnation to their childhood memories. And look, I’m a sucker for nostalgia-porn. The first “Jurassic World” worked for me. “The Force Awakens,” “Ghostbusters: Afterlife,” “Top Gun: Maverick.” I was happy to enjoy the “member berries,” as “South Park” would call it. But the makers of “Jurassic World: Dominion” have such little regard for the original and such a low opinion of today’s movie-goers that the end result is insulting.

In a recent interview Sam Neill said the original 1993 movie wouldn’t work today because today’s audiences wants nonstop action and that’s exactly what this new movie delivers. I don’t know if he was complaining when he said this but it’s not a great endorsement of modern movie-goers. And no, nonstop action isn’t needed if we don’t care about the characters and the situations they’re in.

New dinosaurs are introduced in this movie, including raptors with feathers, which is actually more accurate. The film's dinosaur antagonist is a Giganotosaurus, which Trevorrow saved for the trilogy's final installment to set up a rivalry with the T-Rex. He said, "I wanted something that felt like the Joker. It just wants to watch the world burn.” Really? They throw this dinosaur in without any tension or suspense and — yet again - we do not really care. It’s all quite forgettable.

I’m just going to say it: Colin Trevorrow is an awful director and I’m not sure where he’s gotten this undeserved reputation. He made one decent movie, “Safety Not Guaranteed,” and it wasn’t even that mind-blowing and then he was plucked for big budget features since then. There’s a good reason he was removed from directing Star Wars: Episode XI and it’s because he’s not that good. Don’t believe me? Rent “The Book of Henry,” one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

Before “Jurassic World: Dominion” came out, I was slightly encouraged because the recent Netflix series “Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous” is excellent and it builds on the world of the recent films in a was that gives hope. Although there is a brief, subtle reference to that animated TV show in this movie, “Jurassic World: Dominion” tends to squander any potential it might have had.

Just stay home and rent the original 1993 movie instead.