Action-packed. Feel-good romantic action-comedy. Richly entertaining, full of surprises and loads of fun.
None of these phrases describe "Killers," a lackluster, lazy movie that isn't really even worth insulting further.
Katherine Heigl has cornered the market on the bitchy spoiled princess leads, and sets new standards for unlikable protagonists as she incessantly whines and complains while her husband literally dodges bullets and fends off an endless barrage of attackers.
The story (if you want to call it that, in brief): Kutcher and Heigl meet cute. Kutcher is a government agent of some sort who wants out. Heigl is one of those women who hates that her parents are so smothering but happily wallows in the attention they lavish on her.
They meet and quickly fall in love. Kutcher leaves the business and they marry, only he never tells her what he did, which makes things really difficult to explain three years later when his skeletons reemerge to mow him down in a hail of bullets.
If this premise sounds familiar, maybe you've seen "True Lies," or "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," and to call those films superior to this one is akin to saying Kobe Bryant is a better athlete than Miss Piggy.
This is one of those films where a "normal person" (and let me qualify "normal" not in human terms, but in the sense that their days aren't typically filled with torrents of high-caliber gunfire) is involved in a high-speed car chase/gun battle that ends with one of their closest friends being killed in a gruesome way, and moments later we're listening to smarmy, snide conversations about having to go pee and why don't you like my parents anyway? I'm leaving out the best part where the closest friend is the one trying to kill them.
Oh, and this is also one of those movies where suddenly everyone our main characters know suddenly are completely different people than we thought they were. And I'm talking ALL of them.
Let's go through the list of wonderful actors whose talents are wasted here: Catherine O'Hara, Tom Selleck, Martin Mull, Rob Riggle. All have been tremendous in other films or TV series (or both), but are reduced to embarassingly bad caricatures. Hopefully the paychecks and craft service was good.
On the plus side, though, there is a scene of Kutcher with no shirt, and Heigl in a bra.
Blu ray extras include a "Killer Chemistry" featurette (though the inverse would be slightly more accurate), along with a gag reel, deleted, alternate and extended scenes I didn't dare watch out of fear for my own sanity.
Hopefully from this review you don't take that "Killers" is a terrible film; it just happens to be uninspiring, derivative, listless, misguided, haphazard, and really, really dull.