Madame Web
This ain't your brother's "Spider-Man."
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I totally get why folks aren’t digging director S.J. Clarkson’s “Spider-Man” spin-off “Madame Web” (now in theaters). It is a good movie? No, not really. Is it a cheesy movie? Yes, definitely. But I’d also argue it’s a fun and entertaining flick that’s a good deal better than the likes of most other offerings from Sony’s Spider-Man Universe (SSU) including the dreadful “Morbius” and the so-so “Venom: Let There Be Carnage.”
Dakota Johnson stars as Cassandra Webb, a New York City Emergency Medical Technician who grew up in foster care after her mother Constance (Kerry Bishé) was murdered by Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), the man who was hired to guide and protect her while searching for a rare and powerful spider in the jungles of Peru. Adam Scott plays Ben Parker, Cassandra’s paramedic partner and future uncle to our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
Sims has moved to New York where he’s used the spider’s powers to amass great wealth and power. His reign at the top becomes threatened when he begins having vividly bad dreams about three costumed young women breaking into his apartment and killing him. Sims assigns his gal in the chair Amaria (“Girls” alum Zosia Mamet) to discover these women’s identities so he can hunt them down and kill them before they kill him.
These women are actually only teenage girls with tenuous connections to Cassandra. They are nerdy wallflower Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), intelligent loner Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and smart-ass skater punk Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). After an accident on the job Cassandra can now see into the future, so she takes it upon herself to intervene on these girls’ behalf and possibly get payback against the bastard who did her mother in.
People who go into “Madame Web” expecting it to be yet another “Spider-Man” entry are going to be disappointed. Sure, there are loose connections to Spidey, but this feels far closer to a “Final Destination” flick or female-centric superhero films from the early-to-mid aughts, i.e. “Catwoman” and “Elektra,” than it does the recent Tom Holland-fronted trilogy. This isn’t for the dudes living in their parents’ basements who whine about female-fronted genre pictures online – it’s for their sisters and nonexistent girlfriends.
Performances vary from very good (Johnson, Sweeney, Merced and O’Connor make for a lovely and likable foursome) to very bad (Rahim fares the worst of everybody, which is surprising as he’s been brilliant elsewhere – especially in 2009’s “A Prophet.” He’s failed by screenwriters Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless (these two previously penned “Morbius” … “It’s Morbin’ Time!”), Claire Parker and Clarkson, who saddle him with the absolute clunkiest dialogue.)
Listen, “Madame Web” has plot holes big enough to drive a Mack truck through and often plays like an almost-two hour Pepsi commercial, but I enjoyed it enough in spite of itself.