Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy (1990)

Poor Ilsa. All she wants to do is keep her gang of sadomasochistic sex-fiend nurses sexually satisfied, albeit through a series of sadistic experiments, bondage and murder. Among her crew is her bizarrely silent daughter Sabrina, who doesn’t know Ilsa is her mother.

Her group lives in a hospital/compound, where they conduct bizarre human experiments, while guards patrol the grounds in skimpy cutoffs, holding Uzis and AK-47s. Perhaps the strangest death involves a rather brilliant plan to hollow out a human woman to create a “robotic love doll" for Sabrina.

One woman tires of Ilsa's catering to Sabrina's needs and wants to focus on the needs of the group. Random mayhem and carnage ensues, culminating in a final, bloody battle.

The film is a Swedish import that famed cheesmeisters Troma picked up for distribution, and "director" Harry M. Love simply adds random plot points that a narrator drops in at random.

Though there's plenty of nudity, there is little in the way of on-screen sex. In one scene Ilsa finds a man on the grounds, beds him, then tells him simply “You did very well. Now I have to kill you. You understand," before dispatching him.

Catfights are common, but begin and end with tearing of clothes and awkward rolling around.

"Maniac Nurses" is full of strange, random details.It is noted that Ilsa's first child, which did not survive (though it's unclear how it died), was born with an Elvis Presley tattoo.

Onscreen graphics fill in the remaining blanks of the story (and there are many), then later tally the body count for each of the nurses as if we were watching a basketball game. Deaths are your typical gunshot wounds mixed with exploding-head shotgun blasts. At one point a piano wire severs a victim's feet.

The dialog is horribly dubbed (and that dubbing might be ad-libbed).

stock synthesizer/guitar clips populate the soundtrack, though later some seemingly out of place selections are inserted, including “Flight of the Bumblebee” and “Ode to Joy.”

Despite these seemingly craptastic plot developments, the film isn't as entertaining as it might seem. Most of the plot points are rammed into our heads via narration, and many we never even see (like the Elvis tattoo). It comes off as the simple ramblings of a madman, and don't really add to the film in any meaningful way.

Instead we get the sense that Troma bought the film, saw the gaping plot holes (and an opportunity to "improve" the picture), and added in random details that didn't even figure into the plot.

Two Yaps out of Five