Brutally unfunny, scatological, but not racy enough to be considered perverse, "Miss March" reaches a new low for the otherwise sparkling moron buddy-road-comedy genre.
It shouldn't be surprising, really, starring Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore of "The Whitest Kids U Know," the brutally unfunny sketch comedy television show, but it is unfortunate that these guys have enough of a following that it justified a studio exec greenlighting this movie.
Here's the story: the Eugene (Cregger) with his buddy Tucker (Moore) stumble upon one of Eugene's brother's Playboy Magazines while looking through some baseball cards. They look at it and have really the only two reactions one might have after such an event (right?): Tucker becomes a mysogonistic horndog, and Eugene becomes a disciple of the wait-till-marriage crowd, complete with seminars featuring fatalist horror stories and close-up slides of the effects of venereal disease (which, of course, they show to grade school kids).
After this pointless intro, we flash forward four years, and the duo readies for prom. Eugene's girlfriend Cindi (Raquel Alessi) wants to go all the way, but he's nervous. He finally agrees, but moments before he seals the deal he falls down a flight of stairs and goes into a coma.
Four years later (yes, another flash forward, the third in less than 20 minutes of screen time), he wakes and finds out his woman is now a Playboy centerfold.
From there they hit the road, both to find Cindi and to escape Tucker's crazed epilleptic girlfriend, who (and I'm just going to lay it out) went into a seizure while performing oral sex on him when he turned a strobe light on her, causing her to bite him down there. To try to get her jaws unclamped, he naturally stabbed her repeatedly with a fork. You have to imagine she might be upset about this, so she calls her firefighter brother, who rounds up all of his co-workers to find and presumably hack Tucker to pieces with an ax.
You see what we're working with here? Basically if you find epillepsy jokes, people pooping themselves (while wearing hospital gowns) and sight gags involving men who lack genitalia hilarious, this is the movie for you.
Also appearing is Craig Robinson, who has done terrific work in films like "Knocked Up" and "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," but plays an old friend of Eugene and Tucker who has become a hip-hop star. His role has nothing that hasn't been played out in comedies countless times already.
The DVD extras are equally worthless, with an "unrated" version, which basically inserts footage not funny enough to go into the theatrical release, viral marketing "audition" videos starring "Whitest Kids" co-stars auditioning for "Miss March," along with a short making-of starring Robinson's character.
Movie and extras: 1 Yap out of 5
Read Nick Rogers' review of "Miss March" here.