Movies You Aught Not Watch: Boat Trip

Movies You Aught Not Watch is a weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films from 2000 to 2009.

"Boat Trip" Rated R 2003

Watching Cuba Gooding Jr. in 2003’s “Boat Trip” felt like what it must be like to see someone set himself on fire — grotesque, sad, bloody, smelly and not at all amusing.

Either trying to keep pictures of illegal acts from surfacing or hellbent on speeding up his ongoing attempt at career suicide, this hit a frightening new low for Gooding Jr., seeing as it’s one of the most astonishingly bad comedies of all time.

His Jerry and Horatio Sanz’s Nick are two idiot homophobes seeking sex on the seas and dismayed to find themselves booked aboard an all-gay cruise. (Will Ferrell’s duplicitous travel agent provides the film’s sole chuckle). Ridiculous plot developments pile up like a 30-car wreck to include a skydiving finale and the inevitable interrupted wedding.

Given that there was no attempt at satire, the film’s vision of gay life — they all make out 24-7, enjoy S&M and eat penis-shaped food, right? — came off as downright atrocious. And co-writer/director Mort Nathan forced “Kingpin” and “There’s Something About Mary” co-star Lin Shaye into two astoundingly tasteless oral-sex gags that should have gotten him strung up for hate crimes.

Had advertisements put “Academy Award winner” before Gooding’s name, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences could have sued for defamation. The scariest part is that Gooding appeared as though he believed something like this was a good career move. He over-mugged, and overacted, but the “over” Gooding should’ve worried about was what his worthwhile-film career turned out to be.