Movies You Aught Not Watch: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

Movies You Aught Not Watch is a weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films of 2000-2009.

"Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" Rated PG-13 2006

“Look, I can do this all day,” Larry the Cable Guy cackled in “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector,” the redneck comic’s failed 2006 attempt to hijack the lovably lowbrow signal of Jim Carrey’s “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” By “this,” Larry meant rattling off euphemisms for sex, bras and penises.

Of that savant ability, “Health Inspector” left no doubt, as watching it felt like hearing him do “this” all day in real time. With its unlimited-trip buffet line of bad jokes, the quality of “Health Inspector” could be easily swapped for any Larry film in which he doesn’t voice a Pixar-animated tow truck.

Here, Larry teams with a mannish female partner named Butlin (whose name never gets old) to investigate a cooking competition. In his spare time, Larry is a sexist, chaw-chewing homophobe who thinks Priuses run on “strawberry douche,” frequently speaks of infected testicles and would rather “dip French fries in grandma’s bedsores” than eat sushi.

To paraphrase Larry, I don’t care who you are. That sounds like preventable elderly abuse right there.

At least Larry’s brief movie career kept Hollywood’s fart-sound proprietors in business. What, you thought an opening shot of his bared plumber’s crack was an arbitrary artistic decision? That there’s foreshadowin’!

“Health Inspector” forgoes audible obviousness after Larry returns from a bathroom with no toilet paper, only to surprise with someone else’s wet diarrhea plop. Perhaps fetishists of gastrointestinal distress for whom “Health Inspector” seemed tailor-made caught Larry’s dead-on introspection when calling himself a “floater.”