On Disc: Rifftrax Toxic Box

The new disc box set from the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" gang is essential viewing for those who like their cheesy movies with hilarious commentary.

“Mystery Science Theater 3000” is like an long-time, influential band. Over the years, there have been numerous changes in the MST3K line-up, but those that have departed have sprouted great bands of their own.  In the case of MST3K, their sweet music is verbally mocking bad cinema.

Note: these folks are pros, and not that jagoff sitting next to you at the multiplex. Jesus Christ, that guy, am I right?

The longest running group of MST3K alumni still fighting the good cinematic fight of the bad is Rifftrax, a power trio consisting of Mike Nelson (writer and Mike from MST3K) Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo) and Bill Corbett (Brain Guy and "I'm different"-era Crow T. Robot).

One of Rifftrax's strengths (besides riffing power and experience) is recording MP3 tracks of their mocking of mainstream studio films (aka films that major studios would never allow to be mocked in anyway). All you need to do is synch up your copy of stream "Favorite Bad Film Title" with their MP# and enjoy. They still mock the low-budget, the intentionally and unintentionally bad. They have something for everyone. Go to rifftrax.com for the catalog.

Rifftrax has a new box set, presented in an actual metal lunchbox (not one of those snowflake cloth lunch bags!) called "Toxic Box!" I made a point of not knowing what was in this collection ahead of time. Yes, I bought this blind.

The first disc was a collection of short films. The first short of the shorts collection was an all-time MST3K classic... "Mr. B Natural." A promotional film for the Conn music instrument company which stars a third-rate Mary Martin, dressed like a villain from the Batman TV series (a white Peter Pan outfit cluttered with music notes) who squeals and prances around all for the love of performing music. Noticing young, insecure Buzz show interest in music, Mr. B pops up in his bedroom and tutors the middle school boy about the wonders of music. Mr. B Natural is a Maniac Pixie Nightmare Girl... portraying a man... sort of...

Mr. B Natural is so ridiculous that it spawned a whole new set of riffs by the Rifftrax trio. Who knew a 25-minute industrial short film about musical instruments and the scary-ass muses who terrorize children would have such an impact? They did.

The other seven short films cover such subjects as a family farm in autumn (riffed by MST3K alumni Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson) aka being young in the late 1960s and living deep, deep in farmland. There's one on pronunciation that does not ax you a question nor if you like EYE-talian dressing.

"Safety: In and Out of Doors" features a Karen Valentine-type who balances her day as a part-time architect, part-time school crossing guard and full -time superhero Safety Woman. Remember the low-budget look of 1970s Wonder Woman, Isis and Electra Woman and Dyna Girl? This is cheaper. The type of film that would make my wife and daughter ask "What man wrote this?"

The lady riffers return for the always-reliable subject of personal hygiene in "Keeping Neat and Clean." The 1950s reminded us one isn't clean unless you scrub more than Lady Macbeth and Karen Silkwood combined.

The worst short of this festival goes to "Bicycle Safety Camp" (riffed by Rifftrax writers Conor Lastowka and Sean Thompson). A diverse group of child stereotypes are forced to participate and yes, even rap with their rapping instructor about the importance of bicycle safety. Makes last-call era karaoke sound like Adele. Rounding out the festival is "Get That Job," a 1970s romp about looking for a job (especially in that decade's clothes and grooming choices) and "David and Hazel," a black and white film about family communication during times of trouble. This family makes Don Draper's ("Mad Men") family look like "His Girl Friday."

After a strong, strong start with the shorts, the collection has three full-length films. Starting with "Yor: The Hunter from the Future," starring Reb Brown of "Space Mutiny" and 1970s "Captain America" fame. A film that combines "Quest for Fire" (with spoken dialogue in English) with spaceships and doesn't combine them fast enough.

"Attack of the Super Monsters" combines stop-motion dinosaurs and anime. A very all-caps yelling dinosaur and his army of dogs bats and rats fight against two animated sibling soldiers who combine themselves into Gemini (suck it, Wonder Twins!) while the two other members of Gemini Commanders are just there for comic relief. Do you miss the vocal dubbing of "Speed Racer" and model buildings knocked over? Here you go.

The worst film of the lost is the 2004 epic "Suburban Sasquatch." A man in a gorilla suit (with way too large gorilla nipples) terrorizes the wood near the suburbs, which we don't get into until the final quarter of the film. Non-actors get to play dress up as police and reporters. Bad editing, cheap effects, victims who stand and scream (to be fair, there are some who run and scream, too), a mystical sub-plot with a woman who shoots arrows at the creature. A film where when the sasquatch is hit with an arrow, the visual effects show a hit, a single splurt of blood escaping the body and that's it. Human limbs come off with great ease as well with very little blood. As one riff summed it up "If Tommy Wiseau directed 'A River Runs Through It'").

Clocking in at 76 minutes, I watched this film the same week as the three-hour "The Batman," and "Suburban Sasquatch" was a rougher cinematic ride that went on forever.

So long as there are bad movies (old and new) and folks like Rifftrax, waiting to grill them, the cinema world can be a little easier to handle. "Rifftrax Toxic Box!" is a must have for any film-riffing fan. Just leave it to the professionals. Oh and look under your bed for Mr. B Natural.

Matthew Socey is the host of the podcast Film Soceyology for WFYI 90.1 FM in Indianapolis.