This is it, folks! Joe, Jessica and I will be live-blogging and Tweeting the Oscars from 7 p.m. until the biggest show in show business wraps up. Keep hitting Refresh for the latest news, observations and witticisms!
12:05 a.m.: Joe: Thanks to everyone for reading our first-ever Oscars liveblog!
12:02 a.m.: Joe: Let me point out that this past summer a Film Yap contest's prize was a "Hurt Locker" poster signed by Kathryn Bigelow and Jeremy Renner. Wonder what that sucker'd do on eBay right about now?
12:02 a.m.: Jessica: What a great show... Remember kids, dreams do come true... if you contribute to my campaign to interview Sandra Bullock right here at The Yap. Write your letters.
12:02 a.m.: Now that it's become the lowest-grossing Best Pic winner ever, now maybe PEOPLE WILL GO SEE IT! HOW ABOUT A RE-RELEASE IN THEATERS?!?
11:59 p.m.: Just amazing! Hurt Locker pulls off a huge upset! I'm so happy to be wrong!
11:58 p.m.: So can Hurt Locker take the big prize from Avatar? I doubt it, but I'd love to see it!
11:56 p.m.: Jessica: So great to see this huge step for women in film. "The time has come" indeed.
11:56 p.m.: Kathryn Bigelow wins Best Director! So deserved, and so great to see her take the statue from Streisand.
11:54 p.m.: Did Barbra Streisand just wait for a page to come help her down two steps?
11:53 p.m.: Bullock gets in the best one-liner of the night: "Did I really earn this or did I just wear y'all down?"
11:51 p.m.: Jessica: She wins!!! She wins!!!! Sandra Bullock wins an Oscar. All is right with the world. The girl next door gets the golden statue, the funny girl gets the golden moment and makes everybody laugh while basking in the glow. I'm all vaklempt. We're sooo gonna be best friends.
11:49 p.m.: Sandra wins! I'll leave the gushing to Jessica.
11:45 p.m.: Jessica: I fear just the mere fact of Oprah talking about Gabourey Sidibe will throw a curve ball and get her the win.
11:42 p.m.: For the second year in a row, no sign of Jack Nicholson. What's up with that?
11:41 p.m.: Jessica: Forrest Whitaker speaking for Sandra is brilliant. I want her to win so badly.
11:40 p.m.: Jessica: Oprah is in the Oscar HIZOUSE.
11:34 p.m.: Jessica: Predictability in the Best Actor category...does that mean our favorite girl next door will win Best Actress!? Does Jeff Bridges say 'man' way too much?
11:33 p.m.: And after all that, the never-in-doubt win for Jeff Bridges. Really, they shouldn't have even had him leave the stage.
11:29 p.m.: Not sure if I'm digging this intro of the Best Actor nominees with co-stars gushing about them. Will this schmaltzfest continue for Best Actress? A bit too much.
11:25 p.m.: Jessica: Michelle Pfeiffer defies time and age. Seriously.
11:23 p.m.: Joe: That IS bad, Chris, but every time they cut to Kathryn Bigelow I wonder how in the world he left her for either Linda Hamilton or Suzy Amis. Seems to me he took a step down each time. Bigelow is looking good.
11:21 p.m.: How nice that James Cameron brought as his date the main character from his next film, a remake of The Mummy... ooooh, sorry Suzy Amis. I'm a bad man.
11:20: p.m.: Jessica: Coming up, see my BFF Sandra Bullock (hopefully) win an Oscar.
11:17 p.m.: The Secret in Her Eyes wins Best Foreign Language film. I'm just glad it's not that pretentious White Ribbon.
11:12 p.m.: Wow, they're really doing great on time. I count only five categories left. So there WAS time to actually honor the lifetime achievement honorees by giving them a couple minutes on stage.
11:08 p.m.: Will Best Editing award swing the Avatar-Hurt Locker showdown? It's Hurt Locker!
11:05 p.m.: Joe: "The Cove" is super-deserving for the Best Doc award. Alternately heartbreaking and exhilarating. Didn't realize Fisher Stevens was involved. Finally he redeems himself for "Short Circuit 2."
11:05 p.m.: "The Cove" wins documentary feature. I had a hard time watching just the few snippets of dolphins being killed.
11:01 p.m.: Mo'Nique says having sex with people other than your spouse is not cheating, but lying is. Bad news for Mo'Nique: Has your husband ever told you your nasty hairy legs don't bother him?
10:58 p.m.: Jessica: Ugh, I just can't say enough about Up in the Air. Aside from being fun in general it really does paint a unique picture of these times.
10:55 p.m.: Other than the acting categories, the easiest call of the night: Avatar wins Best Visual Effects.
10:53 p.m.: "Up" wins best musical score. I personally preferred Fantastic Mr. Fox, but Up has a wonderful memorable theme. I love it when composers use a string of melody in so many different ways.
10:50 p.m.: Why the flip is the guy doing the robot dance to the "Up" score?!
10:48 p.m.: Ugh, the interpretive dance introduction of the best musical score nominees ... always a great time for a bathroom trip.
10:46 p.m.: Jessica: Sam Worthington throws a glance behind him at Oscar's stage. You know, just in case we weren't sure where it was.
10:42: Joe: Man, Demi Moore still has it. And the In Memoriam seemed oddly unemotional this year. Agree with Jessica that the live performance takes away, but it was an improvement on last year, when the dearly departed had to share time with Queen Latifah's singing. And Chris, I'm guessing the ET theme had to do with the fact that it was scientific and technical awards, but still an odd choice.
10:39 p.m.: Jessica: I always look forward to the In Memoriam portion of the Oscars. But I'm not really down with a live performance.... Oh dang, Brittany Murphy.
10:36 p.m.: Cinematography, the biggest of the "minor" categories, goes to "Avatar." Momentum shifting from Hurt Locker?
10:29 p.m.: Why did they play the "E.T." music score to introduce Elizabeth Banks?
10:27 p.m.: I love that they're actually explaining what sound mixing and editing are. I actually learned something! I thought the sound editor's work came after the sound mixer's. Other way around. Winner is: The Hurt Locker for Editing, and Hurt Locker again for Mixing.
10:22 p.m.: Jessica: Dear Kristen Stewart... Must you always fidget, cough or jerk your head and basically act like you'd rather be out drinking cheap beer and eating pizza? Also, Oscar officials - Twilight is not a horror film. I repeat...
10:20 p.m.: Jaws is not a horror film. Idjits.
10:17 p.m.: Predictions update: I'm 6-for-11. Not great. On the up side, nearly every wrong prediction has gone to the nominee I personally preferred.
10:16 p.m.: Joe: I'm feeling a vibe, and it's humming "Precious."
10:15 p.m.: Jessica: I realize it has been a while since I've mentioned that I want to be BFFs with Sandra Bullock and that I love George Clooney. Just want to keep that out there.
10:12 p.m.: Best Costumes goes to Young Victoria. Glad to see this wonderful film getting some recognition. Now go see it, people!
10:11 p.m.: I would think Tom Ford would have designed a better demeanor for himself other than brooding and boring.
10:10 p.m.: Jessica: SJP & Tom Ford on stage together to present for costume design = delicious.
10:08 p.m.: Avatar collects its first win of the night for Art Direction. It's certainly deserving, although this was a very strong list of nominees this year.
10:05 p.m.: Joe: Jessica hopped into and snatched the soon-to-be-obligatory Mo'Nique hairy legs joke. I REALLY need a laptop so I can keep up.
10:02 p.m.: Jessica: Did announcer lady just say "a salute to horror films"!?!? Oscar, what has gotten into you? Whatever it is, Jessica likey.
10:01 p.m.: Jessica: Mo'Nique wins best supporting actress, making her the first woman ever to win who did not shave her legs prior to the ceremony.
9:59 p.m.: Mo'Nique wins. Mo'Nique deserves to win. What a performance. Could have been so one-note, and had so many layers.
9:56 p.m.: Lauren Bacall and Roger Corman really belong up on the stage. Hate the new format that moves the lifetime achievement award to the "minor" show.
9:54 p.m.: Alas, the win for Precious means Up in the Air's only shot at taking home a statue is kaput. How did November's runaway front-runner fall so far? It's a great film, people!
Jessica: Amen Chris. That was Up in the Air's only shot. One of the most relevant films for the time I think I've seen in a while.
9:51 p.m.: "Precious" pulls off the first big surprise win of the night! The Spirit Awards carryover effect?
9:50 p.m.: Jessica: "Precious" wins for adapted screenplay. Deserved, but I had my fingers crossed for "Up in the Air."
9:42 p.m.: Joe: Suck it, "Avatar"! "Star Trek" wins for makeup!
Chris: Ah, Joe, you realize that Avatar wasn't nominated in that category, right?
9:42 p.m.: Best Makeup goes to "Star Trek." Awesome that they went ahead with the banned Na'vi sketch with Ben Stiller. Guessing James Cameron gave the OK.
9:37 p.m.: Short live action film winner: The New Tenants. Awesome!
9:35 p.m.: Jessica: I was going to say something about how the Oscars really give you a chance to discover short films that you might not have heard of but then something really random and crazy happened on stage so I am left confused.
9:34 p.m.: Documentary Short winner: "Music by Prudence." Interesting that they're putting the short doc in with the other short films. Usually it's paired with the doc feature.
9:32 p.m.: Animated Short winner: Nick Park finally loses this category to "Logorama!"
9:25 p.m.: Touching John Hughes tribute interrupted by the intrusion of a strange smelly vagrant. Oh, it's Judd Nelson.
9:23 p.m.: Jessica: Why do I get the feeling that Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner have never seen The Breakfast Club.
Chris: I think you're right, Jessica! That movie is like Bonnie and Clyde to them.
9:19 p.m.: What's with the strange hissing sound drowning out the introductions? Is that the mechanized curtain or something?
9:17 p.m.: Jessica: Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick and a nod to John Hughes. Well done, Oscars. Well done.
9:16 p.m.: "Hurt Locker" collects its first Oscar of the night! And I get my first wrong prediction!
9:14 p.m.: Tina Fey - Robert Downey intros are great! "Sickly little mole people!"
9:09 p.m.: Joe: Yet another reason Peter Saarsgard is awesome: did you see the joy on his face and his standing ovation when "The Weary Kind" won? His wife's film, and no ego to be found, especially considering his film ("An Education") has some Oscar hopes of its own.
9:04 p.m.: "Weary Kind" wins! I'm still perfect on predictions!
9:02 p.m.: Hate the fact that we only get clips of the Best Song nominees. I want the whole thing, dammit!
9:01 p.m.: Jessica: Oh for chrissakes Miley Cyrus.
8:59 p.m.: Joe: BOOOOOO! That is all.
8:59 p.m.: And second big non surprise of the night: Animated Feature goes to Up!
8:52 p.m.: Joe: Favorite opening monologue moment: Steve Martin's shout-out to "The Jerk." And was it me, or was Clooney's "faux stare" not so faux?
Also, loved Waltz's acceptance speech, and Ryan Reynolds' dramatic pauses intro-ing "The Blind Side" shows his acting range...or lack thereof.
8:51 p.m.: Jessica: The Blind Side has little chance of winning best picture but it was an amazing film.
8:48 p.m.: First big non surprise of the night: Christoph Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor!
8:44 p.m.: Loving the faux Alec Baldwin/George Clooney death stares!
8:40 p.m.: Alec Baldwin, meet flop sweat. Flop sweat, Alec Baldwin. Crank down the thermostat before that man melts!
8:35 p.m.: Another Melanie Griffith shot. I ... I think ... you can actually see the seams.
8:32 p.m.: Neil Patrick Harris commandeers the opening musical number!
8:25 p.m.: Gabourey Sidibe really does talk like a Valley Girl!
8:23 p.m.: Jessica: Kate Winslet looks amazing.
8:20 p.m.: Jessica: I'm sorry...did I just see a commercial about bladder control products featuring Whoopi Goldberg? Did I just see that?
8:18 p.m.: Joe: Most realistic moment of the evening: the "Remember Me" commercial, where Pattinson says "I'm undecided...about everything," followed by Emilie de Ravin biting her lower lip, obviously incredibly attracted to him. Chicks dig hot slackers with wounds on their face.
8:17 p.m.: Saw just a flash of Melanie Griffith arriving. Step away from the plastic surgeon...
8:14 p.m.: Joe: Loved the interviewer thanking Morgan Freeman for his "incredible philanthropy" for...wearing a bracelet to the ceremony, which will be auctioned off after the show to benefit the Mandela foundation.
8:12 p.m.: Matt Damon looks pissed that the red carpet interviewer didn't mention his Green Zone movie coming out this Friday!
8:11 p.m.: Jessica: I haven't seen her yet, but just as an aside - I hope we keep the Miley Cyrus to a minimum tonight.
8:08 p.m.: OK, apologies to Jake. Apparently Kathy Ireland is just Shrek-height, and wearing mondo heels to boot.
8:05 p.m.: Jake Gyllenhaal looks so tiny compared to average humans!
8:03 p.m.: Anna Kendrick looks so tiny compared to her fellow nominees!
7:59 p.m.: Appropos of nothing: I'm watching a commercial for Chick-fil-A ... on a Sunday, when they're closed.
7:58 p.m.: Is it me or has Barbara Walter's last Oscar show spent at least 50 percent of the time talking about herself?
7:54 p.m.: Jessica: Let the gushing commence. Sandra Bullock is really just the best all around celebrity out there. She makes me want to restore old buildings. I think she should consent to an interview with me so we can become best friends. Yap readers, start a letter writing campaign.
7:52 p.m.: Interesting that Sandra Bullock says she didn't choose the sort of roles that get recognized with awards. What was Crash?
7:48 p.m.: Joe: Oscar predictions from the mouths of babes. Riley (my 5-year-old son) predicts "Fantastic Mr. Fox" for Best Animated feature. Jenna (my 2-year-old daughter) says "Coraline." Mason, the 13-month-old, says "YOP!" That's about all he says.
7:43 p.m.: Having boldly made predictions in all 24 categories, I'm bound to be wrong a bunch. Best guesses for which ones I'll miss: Editing, Live Action Short, Best Song, Costume Design, Sounding Editing & Mixing. We'll see.
7:40 p.m.: Jessica: The last Oscar night interview with Barbara Walters is Sandra Bullock. I can't decide which one of those women I want to be when I grow up...
7:36 p.m.: Start leaving comments, folks! We will respond to them live!
7:32 p.m.: Responding to another inquiry from my wife's crew: What am I wearing for the Oscar Liveblog? A 15-year-old J. Crew plaid shirt and L.L. Bean shorts my wife bought for me.
7:30 p.m.: Fielding my first question from Jean's friend: Why is Miley Cyrus at the Oscars? Because she wants to have a movie career, and because it's the biggest show in showbiz.
7:22 p.m.: Jessica: Seeing Audrey Hepburn interviewed by Barbara just reminds me... they don't make stars like Audrey Hepburn anymore.
7:19 p.m.: Enjoying the retrospectives on all the Barbara specials. Has she aged at all in the last 30 years?
7:16 p.m.: Jessica: Sarah Jessica Parker just hit the red carpet. She's a breath of fresh air, that SJP.
7:12 p.m.: Joe: Also, Mo'Nique does not shave her legs, and for proof we get a close-up. That's why Barbara Walters gets the big bucks, folks.
7:11 p.m.: Mo'Nique says having sex 20 times outside of marriage is not cheating. Lying is. Hmmmm.
7:06 p.m.: Jessica: I feel it’s only fair that I warn readers I am likely to gush all over Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It may be shameless.
7:05 p.m.: Switching to Barbara WaWa's special. I admit I didn't know much about Mo'Nique other than her comedy act.
7:03 p.m.: Sandy Bullock's dress: Yowza.
6:52 p.m.: Joe: Speaking of Oscars, playing right now on SyFy: "The Midnight Meat Train." Playing right now on FX: "Spider-Man 3."
Also, apparently Gaborey Sidibe's name is pronounced "Gabb-orey Sidd-a-bay."