The Top 7 worst comic book flicks.

With all the hype surrounding the new flick “Kick-Ass,” it got me thinking about the comic book films that I’ve loved over the years. Then, as always it seems, my thoughts moved to the comic book flicks that were so atrociously bad that they’re never able to fully escape your subconscious.

I’m going to talk about some of my favorite, horrible comic book films and why I think Joel Schumacher shouldn’t so much as sniff in the direction of a comic book shop. You might agree, you might disagree, but I’m right, you’re wrong, and you’ll thank me in the morning for setting you straight.

Without any further ado…

7. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace The idea of the Man of Steel going against the baddies to rid the world of nuclear weapons sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately, the only thing that was good about the film was the initial idea. It’s hard for me to go against Christopher Reeve, but this was a bomb of a movie. Get it? I thought if the movie sucked that bad, it at least deserved my one sucky joke. It just seemed like a haphazard endeavor that began with an idea meeting and a bunch of people that wanted to pick up a paycheck. The message was a nice one, but the effects sucked, the actors obviously didn’t feel anything and it had Jon Cryer in it for heaven’s sake. It those aren’t the elements to a perfect, unsuccessful storm, I don’t know what is.

6. Ghost Rider I knew this project was doomed from the beginning. I was never a big fan of the comic, but when it was announced that Nicolas Cage would be playing Johnny Blaze, great name by the way, I just didn’t feel it. Mostly due to Cage’s involvement. Anyone who knows me knows that Cage is far from a favorite. I’ve seen him blow me away with his roles and then turn around a have me so pissed off with his Nicolas Cage antics, I couldn’t see straight. In Ghost Rider, it was more of the same. At times, I buy Cage as Blaze and then he whips out a dumbass joke and ruins the moment. As a writer, I don’t like it when people go off script, but if he read that in a table read, he should have made a note to trim some of the lines. Eva Mendes is forgettable as always, with Peter Fonda providing the only weighty performance in the film as Mephistopheles.

5. Catwoman If you would have told me that I would ever get up and walk out on a movie with a scantily vinyl-clad Halle Berry, I would have told you you were crazy. But, that’s was my response on my first viewing of the flick. I’m also cool with altering a comic book, but when you venture too far away and change the name of the lead character, you’re just asking for trouble. Adding to this disaster of a movie, the directing was awful and Berry’s performance was so hilariously bad, it’s easy to forget this woman has an Oscar to her name. For my money, I’ll take Michelle Pfeiffer any day. Me-yow.

4. Steel Shaquille O’Neal in the role of a weapons researcher comic book hero – what the hell could go wrong? In the case of “Steel”, that would be pretty much everything. Every serious comic book movies should be as sappy and predictable as this. A lot of people compare films as predictable as this to color by numbers, but that would do an injustice to color by numbers. This film is by far one of the worst because it abandons everything a true fan of the genre want to see. I’m just glad they made this movie in 1997 when the man still had moves. It would be difficult to film the movie with the Shaq of today standing in one place and have the action filter around him.

3. Batman Forever The third installment of the Batman franchise of the 90s showed a definite shift in ideals. The first two were dark and what the comic book begged to be. Then in 1995, we get a new Batman in Val Kilmer and two over the top villains in Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey. Batman is my favorite comic book character of all time. I like the way his superpower is his intellect and I wasn’t too disappointed in the choice of Kilmer to don the cowl. When Carrey was introduced as The Riddler, I was ecstatic. If anyone could pull the character off, it was this guy. Then Jones would be Two-Face? It was all too much. This would be something to behold. It was something all right. Kilmer was lifeless at both Bruce Wayne and the Caped Crusader, Jones was mediocre at best and Carrey absolutely sucked as The Riddler. Hell, even Nicole Kidman wasn’t enough to hold my attention of the flick. Chris O’Donnell as Robin/Dick Grayson was the bright spot for me. At least his character was interesting from time to time, but still this movie was the worst yet. What this movie had an abundance of was neon and black light. It’s like when a child discovers that there are more than 24 crayon colors and has the revelation to draw a picture using every, single one. Not a pretty picture in either case. After coming off my huge letdown, I was happy to hear we’d have a new Batman film coming about with George Clooney as Batman and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. I mean, really, could it be as bad as Batman Forever?

2. Fantastic Four (1994) If you haven’t seen this, you need to make it point to find it as quickly as possible and view it. While it’s a horrible movie, I’ve never laughed hard in all my life. Unfortunately, the film is not meant to be a comedy. I’ve seen this movie in sections – a little here and a little there, but if you only watch the trailer on YouTube, you’ll get a clear picture of how priceless this little gem is. From what I gather, the film was made to extend a licensing rights deal and from the look of it, they could have used a few extra dollars in the effects department. I’ll briefly go into some of the “amazing” effects this film boasts. When Reed Richard lends a hand to Sue Storm, Richard’s arm comically extends with a campy sound effect until a clearly plastic hand grabs Storm and pulls her to safety. Yeah folks, it’s as bad as it reads. I’ve watched it on YouTube and if you have a half hour to spare and don’t mind getting back, zip over and check it out. It will definitely put a smile on your face.

1. Batman and Robin Well, when I wondered back in 1995 how good the next Batman flick would be, I had no idea what was coming. I even bought into the trailers and the cast it had. Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Batgirl – sounded again like things might be looking up. Boy was I ever wrong. Clooney is by far the worst Batman, ever and Schwarzenegger was just creepier than hell with his silver complexion and aluminum eyes. O’Donnell even bought into the “Hey, let’s make this as over the top campy and what audiences don’t want” mentality Even Uma Thurman and Alicia Silverstone stunk up the joint. Michael Gough as Alfred was the best element of this flick, hands down. Also, zip on over to IMDB and check out director Joel Schumacher’s credits and you’ll probably ask yourself the same question as I did – What the hell happened? This guy has directed some heavy, solid films, but I guess decided to take the day off when filming his two Batman films. Flatliners, The Lost Boys, A Time to Kill, Tigerland, Phone Booth – not one instance of black light paint and they were really good films. See a trend, Joel? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love black light paint and neon as much as the next guy, but holy shit, Batman, you’ve got to have more than just that. In this case the story was OK, the direction was horrible and the action was God awful. So all in all, I would say it’s easy to pick Batman and Robin as the No. 1 worst comic book blunder of all time.