The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

When Troma Entertainment’s president, Lloyd Kaufman, goes on record and states a movie is one of the worst the company has distributed, that’s saying something.

Troma Entertainment is the crème de le crème of B-movie distributors and has produced some of the best bad movies in existence. However, “The Capture of Bigfoot” isn’t one of those.

When a Bigfoot is located near a ski town, Olsen (Richard Kennedy), a local businessman, smells an opportunity and sends people out to capture the creature to be used for publicity. The one kink in the plan is that the first Bigfoot captured is a young one, and mommy isn’t too pleased by this, although nothing really comes of it.

Olsen even resorts to using two of his hunters as live bait to lure the creature in. Once captured, Olsen actually begins to question the creature and tops it off with a stereotypically diabolical evil laugh, one of about three deliberate evil laughs in the flick. Three too many.

After the creature is caught, Garrett (Stafford Morgan), a local law officer, decides to set it free, resulting in a not-so epic battle between him and Olsen. The film ends with the Bigfoot and little Bigfoot looking at Garrett and his family in thanks for his help.

This was one of the longest films I’ve ever watched. With a running time of 92 minutes, one would think it would be a quick trip into the universe known as Schlock. However, this movie proves to be more of an agonizing, staggered mess, one that you loathe almost every single second it’s on your screen.

The acting is perhaps the worst I’ve seen — ever. Add to that a very cheap-looking Bigfoot costume and the stage is set to be disappointed. The idea is a solid one, but somewhere along the way the train left the tracks and flattened everything in its path.

The film isn’t without a few nice elements of Schlock though. When obviously stuffed bodies fly through the air, you can't help but have your heart warmed by the richness of Schlocky goodness. Also, out of nowhere, a party with a slightly revealing dancer pops up out of the blue. (See the video below.) The dancer is Jeana Tomasino, who would be named Playmate of the Month a year later, and even that isn’t enough to make this movie memorable.

My favorite element of the movie is the appearance of George “Buck” Flower. If the name isn’t familiar, I can guarantee you know him. He’s Red, the homeless man in “Back to the Future” with the line “Crazy drunk drivers” after Marty crashes into the Assembly of Christ after returning from 1955.

Obviously made on an ultra-low budget, director Bill Rebane tried for a serious horror flick and missed the mark. The movie could have benefited from a blood-soaked snowy landscape and some nice laughs. What you get are laughs that are unintended and a very minimal amount of blood scattered throughout the movie.

As far as Schlocky goodness goes, “The Capture of Bigfoot” is the Clark bar of low-budget cinema. It’s bland and tasteless and leaves you wanting something else.

1.5 out of 5 Yaps