"The Expendables 3" isn't a movie that is exactly about anything.
Well, that's not entirely accurate, of course. It's about old-time hardasses blowing shit up, killing bad guys, posing and high-fiving each other — proving that however old they may be, they still got it.
All of this is, of course, Sylvester Stallone's idea, to bring these muscular middle-agers together to make movies, make money and make things go BOOM.
In that endeavor, they are relatively successful. There are kabooms everywhere and a lot of washed-up action stars on the other end of them, standing tall in all their oiled, muscled glory.
The plot? Non-existent: Barney (Stallone) and the gang seek revenge against an old friend, played more or less capably by Mel Gibson. Barney, however, in a development that seems nonsensical at best, decides to assemble a new-blood, younger team that really is there only to create a new generation of action hero...and give the old guys people to rescue.
Speaking of aged action stars, they're piled on plentifully again. The cast list is ridiculous, even for this franchise. In addition to Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger (given just enough to do this time around) and Gibson, we get the returning Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry Crews, and add in such names as Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, Kelsey Grammer, UFC star Ronda Rousey, Kellan Lutz, Robert Davi (whose lone scene is a bit of a disappointment) and Glen Taylor. Each gets an individual moment or two, but, of course, not much chance for anything really great.
Stealing the show, though, is Antonio Banderas, playing a motormouthed wannabe Expendable. He draws by far the most laughs, and his character (and, er, his stunt double) brings a new element to the group. Snipes also brings a fresh perspective and sense of humor, at least by comparison.
You won't get a lot of surprises from this film. The action is pretty much on par with the previous two in setup and execution. The film's final battle is a little truncated, as if the elder statesmen threw a few cursory punches and said, "That's all we got." In between, the stuntmen take over, using trucks, cars, handguns, machine guns, rocket launchers, .50 cal anti-aircraft weaponry, planes, helicopters, tanks and just about every other ballistic propellant and industrial-grade vehicle you can think of to wreak havoc.
Make no mistake: "The Expendables 3" is just as ludicrous as the other two but stays away from the cutesy (and played out) interchanging catchphrases. It's not an earth-shattering masterpiece or even the amusing little diversion/profound pop culture event the first one was made out to be, but there is a little fun to be had for fans of this genre.