The Marvel Movies: X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

“X-Men: The Last Stand” begins with a flashback sequence in which Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and ErikLensherr (Ian McKellan) first meet a young Jean Grey (Famke Janssen as an adult). We then see the two of them trying to convince her to join them.

Cut to years later, and the third film in the “X-Men” series finds a mutant cure discovered, and mutant-kind is instantly split on whether to accept what is, depending on your position, a gift or a curse.

Meanwhile, SPOILER ALERT, Jean has returned, seemingly from the dead (recall her death dramatically ending “X2: X-Men United”). She is, for all intents and purposes, the Phoenix, Jean’s all-powerful alter ego, though I'm uncertain that the film ever used that particular name for her. In this incarnation more than anything, she's a wild card — a powerful chess piece in the game between Xavier and Magneto with whom they race to curry favor.

“Last Stand” is not a terrible movie, but given the subject matter’s scope and the story, its slapdash, rushed developments are inexcusable. The Dark Phoenix Saga is one of X-fans’ most beloved yarns, and, like Spider-Man’s Black Suit Saga in 2007, wasn’t done justice in the eyes of legions of fanboys who dreamed for decades to see it realized on the big screen.

Perhaps most telling is the characterization of the character. In re-watching the film, my sister asked what Jean was so mad about. Without an acceptable answer to give her, I shrugged. "She just is," I said. “So basically, she’s on her period,” she said, a metaphor I couldn’t refute. Then I noticed her flame-red hair, noticed her hyper aggressive sexuality toward several characters and couldn't miss the fact that she’s defeated by being stabbed in the womb. The subtext is thick!

But this film has its moments: Mystique (Rebecca Romijin) has a couple of nice ones early in the film, having been captured by the government, and new villains like Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones) are given a few fun sequences.

But for each of those, there seems to be at least two that are rushed, including the quick, off-camera and scarcely mentioned again death of James Marsden's Cyclops (Xavier's reaction to his death is also shockingly ho-hum). Characters also bicker and squabble for no reason, including Xavier's dismissal of Wolverine when he questions Xavier's ongoing "control" of Jean with, "I don't have to explain myself, least of all to you." Not to mention many of the film’s fight sequences are marred by bad wire work, nonsensical deaths and unnatural character reactions to some of those deaths.

The youth movement is also in full effect, but so too is the juvenile drama associated with it: Iceman (Shawn Ashmore) and Rogue (Anna Paquin) continue their relationship, but suddenly fellow junior X-Man Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) inserts herself, making a love triangle that distracts from the larger arc (though it is also tied into it, but again Rogue, who was pivotal to the first film, is relegated to third banana).

So, too, does Colossus (Daniel Cudmore) find his role expanded, and he gets to deliver the fanboy favorite "Fastball Special" with Wolverine in the ultra-geeky Danger Room session, which also features another easter egg in the guise of the giant head of a Sentinel(!), the giant mutant-catching robots from the comics.

The film’s big new characters are Angel (Ben Foster), who is involved with the film’s overall arc but scarcely even interacts with the X-Men themselves (excepting one cursory scene where he pops in and out of the X-Mansion) and Beast (Kesley Grammer), who gets on like he’s been around for years although this is our first cinematic look at him.

Then there are nonsensical developments in the film. As soon as a cure is found, it is weaponized, which strongly suggests that the villains, who fear that the government will be coming for them (which does in fact happen), are right.

Then there’s the film’s coda, which effectively undoes that series of, if nothing else, courageous plot points — effectively telling us that everything that just happened was pointless.

Exactly who is to blame for the failure of this film is a matter of conjecture, but the facts are these: Bryan Singer, who helmed the first two increasingly successful X-movies, dropped out to direct “Superman Returns.” Then, Singer's replacement, Matthew Vaughn, the promising young director behind "Layer Cake," was hired, but dropped out due to “creative differences” — namely the film’s rushed production schedule.

Fanboys have tagged Fox head Tom Rothman as the scapegoat — responsible for the truncated production schedule and for tapping Brett Ratner, who'd had financial success with the “Rush Hour” films but was considered a poor choice given the quality of his predecessors. In addition Rothman was reportedly quoted as saying of the Sentinels that no film put out by Fox while he was in charge would involve giant robots, angering the fanbase.

Whomever was the main culprit, the result was an dissatisfying, inconsistent film that left fanboys squirming and kvetching rather than rejoicing.

Next time: Nicolas Cage's skull feels like it's on fire, and fanboys recoil in horror.

Previous Marvel Movie Entries

Conan the Barbarian (1982) Conan the Destroyer (1984) Red Sonja (1985) Howard the Duck (1986) The Punisher (1989) Captain America (1990) The Fantastic Four (1994) Blade (1998) X-Men (2000) Blade II (2002) Spider-Man (2002) Daredevil (2003) X2: X-Men United (2003) Hulk (2003) The Punisher (2004) Spider-Man 2 (2004) Blade Trinity (2004) Elektra (2005) Fantastic Four (2005)