The following are all actual, chronological quotes from the film and bonus features.
“We tend to spike the punch.” — Charming romantic lead.
“I got you, I got you.” “Who has you?” “That would be me.” “And who has you?” “I guess that would be God.” — Witty dialogue.
“Is that your boyfriend?” “Ex. It’s complicated.” — Dialogue right before the whole situation is explained in less than 20 seconds.
“Let’s just say nothing is free at my house.” — Stuff people regularly say without any follow-up question.
“This is my roommate, Rebecca.” “Rebecca? How formal.” — Understandable because Rebecca is way too formal and if you don’t want to have one of those lame nicknames, you’re probably a psychopath.
“It’s my job … to make you understand … that each of you … can be artists.” — Dialogue perfect for Billy Zane.
“Frienderz” — Not Facebook. Seriously, it’s not.
“Clubs aren’t really my thing.” —More evidence someone is a psychopath.
“Do you accept a collect call from Sara Matthews?” — First sign to question what year in which this film takes place.
“I want to show you something. This is my favorite.” — Something you shouldn’t say before showing a really demented painting unless you’re secretly a psychopath.
“It’s my older sister. She died when I was nine.” — An understandable justification for tattooing the name "Emily" on your breast.
“I know I probably broke like 40 different dorm rules, but I can’t take it to a shelter. I just can’t.” — Inaccurate dialogue because your room is so huge you’re living in a fantasy dorm anyway.
“Next time.” — Perfect wording to cancel a date via text. Oddly, this wasn’t the psychopath.
“Something is up with your roommate.” — Understatement.
“She was sitting outside my room like some psycho.” — What? NO!
“All the money in the world can’t buy you style.” — Of course Billy Zane will make that line sound wistful.
“How did you know when my class got out?” “I’m your roommate.” — Psychopath! Oh wait, no, that’s actually a good answer.
“Sara, last night I was just worried about you.” “You don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself.” — END OF MOVIE?
“You’re quite critical of a view.” — Sadly they’re not casually talking about lousy Roger Moore Bond films.
“Creeping … I can feel it breathing …” — Subtle lyrics.
“Who was that?” “My roommate. She can be a little overprotective.” “Sounds like fun.” — Turns out it’s not.
“My design professor just kissed me!” — Overreaction. It’s an honor to be kissed by Billy Zane.
“There is a psycho walking around this campus!” — Assumption that she’s actually going to class. So far, she just goes to the library.
“This is your home?” “This is my parents' house. It was never a home when I lived here.” — Another comment that doesn’t need a follow-up question.
“She’s taking her medication?” “Medication?” “Well, you girls have a lovely time.” — Totally normal dialogue with your roommate’s parents.
“I love you so much.” — Definitely the words of someone who would be able to recognize the girl he loves from more than one tattoo.
“All I ever wanted was to be your friend.” “I am your friend.” “No you’re not!” — Touché!
“Ahhhhhhhh!” — The film, not the audience, during the “scary” ending.
Extras
“Quite a bit of the population has gone to college and had a roommate and it could go really good or really bad.” — Minka Kelly, accidentally being insightful about her film.
“It’s an edge-of-the-seat thriller.” — Cam Gigandet, not being insightful about his film.
“Seeing [Leighton Meester] going all the way is beautiful to watch.” — Director Christian E. Christiansen, accidentally being creepy about his film.
Film: 2 Yaps Extras: 2 Yaps