The Secret Life of Pets
I think it was Sigmund Freud who famously said "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." In the case of "The Secret Life of Pets," sometimes a movie about talking animals is just a movie about talking animals.
Does that make "Pets" bad? No, but it makes it kind of dull, surprisingly so for a movie that runs as quickly as it does. Actually, that might not be fair either, because there are a fair number of laughs in it. But it's straight cookie-cutter stuff that adds nothing new to the genre.
Max (voiced by Louis C.K.) is an urban pup, enamored with Katie (Ellie Kemper), the single gal who owns him. He, along with other pets in the apartment building in which they live, throw parties during the day and generally hang out, all the while pining for their masters to come home. But when Katie brings home the monstrous Duke (Eric Stonestreet), his world is turned upside down.
If this setup makes you think of "Toy Story" — you know, beings not usually thought of by humans as anthropomorphic that enjoy secret lives while they're away and whose contentment is challenged by a newly arrived rival — well, I just can't help you because these, after all, are ANIMALS, not TOYS. Totally different. Completely.
But that's not even what this movie is about. It's more of a buddy-cop movie if the cops lost pets who stumble upon an underground anti-people movement headed up by a bunny named Snowball (Kevin Hart). He leads an army that includes a tattooed pig, an alligator and a lizard eager to revolt against the owners who "flushed" them. If this reminds you of "Toy Story 3," please just forget that movie ever existed.
Lost in all of this somewhere is subtext about cast-off slaves and the dual desire to be freed and to be loved by their captors, but as a film "Pets" has no such aspirations. Instead they assume the humans are the good guys, and Snowball is painted as a complete buffoon.
I'd say the main narrative is Max's struggle with accepting Duke and getting home, but really there is no main narrative. That aspect of the film is dropped for a long stretch as we get to know Snowball and company. We have car chases and action scenes (including a recurring bit about animal control chasing and capturing Max and Duke), and just a general mashed-up mess of a narrative that bounces from trope to trope with nary a care in the world.
The cast of supporting characters is appropriately one-note; we have the love interest — the doggie next door, the old hound with a disability, the aloof cat and, in the movie's sole bright spot, a hawk who struggles with his predatory ways, played with wonderful droll by Albert Brooks. (I'm not certain if Brooks played it this way on purpose, or if he was just bored with the whole production; either way, his shtick works.)
Yes, these animals are all cute and fun to look at, and yes they say quippy things to each other from time to time, but there is a decided lack of heart, real emotion or even a desire to make a good movie.
And before you give me that "it's just a kids' movie" nonsense, let's compare "Pets" with "Zootopia," another animtaed movie about animals that came out earlier this year. "Zootopia" is about breaking social barriers, commenting on the roles of race and gender in society, and the forces that seek to keep those barriers in place at the cost of personal freedom. "The Secret Life of Pets" is about a dog who gets lost and tries to find his way home.
Oh, and one more thing we get from Illumination Entertainment: Minions. Lots of Minions. It's not enough that after three "Despicable Me" movies (which I love), they're now just cramming them everywhere, from a short film that precedes the movie (which, as much as I love those little yellow bastards, is just lazily done) to appearing in the production company's title card to a late-film "cameo" (I don't want to spoil it, but stay midway through the credits). It just smacks of desperation. And speaking of that short, there is another small bit of connective tissue between that and this film; drop us a line if you catch it.
"The Secret Life of Pets" will likely entertain your children; it certainly did mine. If it's just another animated romp you're looking to shove your kids in front of, this will do the job for 90 minutes or so. They'll giggle and come out fine. If you like substance, though, you might look back at some of the movies "Pets" rips off in spades: the "Toy Story" movies, "Finding Nemo," and on and on. But those movies speak to us, while "Pets" merely parrots.