Underworld: Blood Wars

"Underworld: Blood Wars" is the fifth movie in the “Underworld” franchise and if you didn't like any of the other movies, stay away. I guess I could have heeded this advice after binging “Underworld," "Underworld: Evolution," "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" and "Underworld: Awakening" over the course of the last week in preparation for “Blood Wars.” None of the previous movies in the franchise is any good, ranging from insultingly dumb to just kind of dull. The best of those, “Evolution,” comes closest to embracing the inherent camp of the premise about vampires at war with werewolves.

Until "Blood Wars!"

Don't get me wrong: “Blood Wars” is as shoddily written, terribly acted and logically incoherent as his predecessors. But it's also the lightest on its feet, clipping along at a pleasing pace from action beat to action beat. Previous movies were far, far too invested in convoluted and somewhat dull lore that felt like someone reading off a "Dungeons & Dragons" campaign of which they were far too proud. What sets “Blood Wars” apart from the previous movies is that it no longer feels overplotted; rather, screenwriter Cory Goodman just inserts the characters into some half-assed “Game of Thrones” scenarios. It doesn't quite go full-on fantasy, but for the first time the grim self-importance of the “Vampires v. Lycan” lore has a more fantastical plot to support it.

Selene (Kate Beckinsale), the rogue vampire “death-dealer” assassin, is on the run from both vampire and werewolf forces alike after killing major players on both sides of their eternal secret war. Her vampire-werewolf hybrid daughter — first seen during the previous movie — is hidden away from villainous forces that want to use her special blood to make themselves immortal or something. Not only that, but her lover Michael (Scott Speedman's CGI face in this one) has gone missing. So Selene's pretty depressed the whole time. David (Theo James), her protege, is once again somewhat annoying but he bails her out of dangerous situations. And, of course, the werewolves are once again planning a final push against the vampires as both species near extinction.

I mentioned “Game of Thrones,” and here are the ways in which “Blood Wars” directly steals from it. Most importantly, there are female characters of significance outside of Selene, in the form of new villain Semira (Lara Pulver) and new ally Alexia (Daisy Head) – the former kind of a Cersei Lannister rip, the latter inspired entirely by Daenerys Targaryen in appearance. James' bland vampire is suddenly given the backstory of Jon Snow and a magical sword to match. Charles Dance, re-appearing as vampire leader Thomas (SPOILER ALERT) after his demise as Tywin Lannister on "Thrones" (END SPOILER ALERT), is given a much more heroic presence and more screen time than in previous movies. Oh, and the secret Northern Coven looks exactly like the snowy wastes of Castle Black and is protected by a giant ice wall.

Taking into consideration that this is “Underworld," these additions are actually a net positive. I'm tempted to knock hard on the other movies but the honest truth about “Underworld” is that its style always outweighs any meager substance, and the movies exist to advertise a specific kind of style ... or to be watched drunk in the background at parties. Outside the tight-fitting accentuations of Beckinsale's leather outfit, the series is a largely sexless affair — hyper-violent but not arousing, overexplained but not engaging. When the first “Underworld” was released, it lifted visuals from “The Matrix” and “The Crow,” and its plot from C-grade blockbusters on which its creators had previously worked. The fact “Blood Wars” exists in an era of popular storytelling — where ripping off the sexiest and most violent pop cultural phenomena means incidentally borrowing from what is also the best long-running story on television — is an unintended, happy accident.

I found an article recently about the “Underworld” and “Resident Evil” franchises, The Feminist Mystique of Resident Evil and Underworld, and I had to laugh. When I set out to watch both franchises this week, I actually wondered why they're not quite as popular as they could be; why aren't these held up as underappreciated, female-led action vehicles? The reality is that despite being led by women, most of them lack, I think, any real storytelling quality. Alice (from "Resident Evil") and Selene are both so bland. The article I linked above tries, but fails, to really find anything there.

Does “Blood Wars” add anything to the mix? Not especially, except in the sense that Selene finally interacts with other women in a way that forwards the plot without reducing either herself or them into objects of sexual desire. That's a baby step but a step nonetheless, one you'd assume the franchise would have taken long before its fifth installment. That isn't to say Selene (or Alice) aren't capable of being inspiring action heroines, just that the actual stories they're in don't provide much for them to do.

If you enjoyed any of the previous four movies, you'll likely find something in “Blood Wars” that will make your 90 minutes pass pleasantly and without any offense. If you're a fan of schlock, it's about on par with the previous movies. If you're not a fan of “Underworld,” you should know by now what these movies have to offer and know that this is only a degree above the rest of them simply because of what it chooses to steal from better stories.