War for the Planet of the Apes

“War for the Planet of the Apes” is a boring movie.

I worked as hard as I could to write a more elaborate opening statement — to say that “War” has good intentions but falls short or something — but the truth is the film just lacks momentum, building interminably to a tremendous anti-climax.

It reminds me of a middling AMC television series (like "The Walking Dead," "Rubicon" or "Hell on Wheels") that relies on close-ups, circular dialogue and repetitive navel-gazing / hand-wringing to mask the shallowness of their storytelling. All, of course, with a woe-is-me male lead on whose heavy head hangs the crown.

In “War,” Caesar (Andy Serkis) is an older, wiser, worn out ole' talking ape. He's tired of fighting for the safety of his small band of intelligent apes against the relentless human intolerance. Humankind is on the verge of extinction; what small bands still survive are largely military cults. There are signs that the virus responsible for ape intelligence is now also causing humans to lose mental capacity. It's very much an Earth as we've never seen in any of the "Apes" films, close-but-not-quite-there to the world of the 1968 original. The only question is whether Caesar can lead his people through final conflict and into their destined planet of the apes.

Surprisingly, that final conflict doesn't drive “War,” a movie with an intriguing plot but lame story. It's a quintessential bad-idea prequel. We know from the original movies that Caesar was a great leader of the apes (the first to speak), but we've only seen snippets of his actual life. “Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" lovingly remixed the original “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes" and "Battle for the Planet of the Apes" films into great contemporary science-fiction, showing the beginning of the ape and human conflict. “War” has to end the story of Caesar and transition from prequel to retelling. This is uncharted territory for the series — territory probably best left to the imagination.

The core theme of the "Planet of the Apes" movies is that the darker aspects of humankind inevitably win, and that the apes are not necessarily better. “War” fundamentally understands that, and so the actual conflict is between two groups of humans with the apes trapped in the center. Unfortunately, a story where the apes watch a war from the sidelines isn't that fun, so writers Mark Bomback and Matt Reeves (Reeves also returned to direct this entry) craft a goodbye for Caesar that plays a bit like “ 'Logan,' but an ape.” The movie is two hours of Caesar refusing the call to lead, hell-bent on revenge against the Colonel (Woody Harrelson, woefully miscast), a human leader. He refuses the help of his friends every chance he gets; he routinely puts himself into situations where he can die and be of no further use to anyone. A story about Caesar's last days is a neat prospect; a story where he's a passive leaf blowing the breeze of the future isn't.

I generally adore all of the "Apes" movies, some more than others, because the franchise has taken more risks than others of its size. It frequently tells gonzo stories with real allegorical meaning — twilight-zone riffs and cautionary tales and time travel and skinless telepathic mutant freaks and, hell, Charlton Heston blowing up the world out of pure spite. I'll always give the Apes a chance. Describing "War" — the final days of humankind with the Apes trapped as witnesses, with Caesar's biblical journey from leader to legend — it sounds interesting to me. I can tell myself story after story in this fictional time frame that I would want to watch on the big screen. “War for the Planet of the Apes” just tells the least interesting version of this story.

Caesar's friends Maurice (Karin Konoval) and Rocket (Terry Notary) manage to join him on his quest and they — along with Bad Ape (Steve Zahn) and a young human girl (played by Amiah Miller) — manage to accomplish a whole lot more than he ever does to protect their people. It's the scenes where Caesar emotes with his friends that are the best in the film. As always, the pleasure of the series is when the apes are allowed to be characters, to work together, to experience drama and joy and conflict in their own, slight off-human way. Even better when they play the role of mirror to humanity. "War" is gritty, angry, sad and, most of all, solitary. It misses the point and gives up the game.

By no means is this schlock; Reeves is a capable director and the film is beautiful to watch. His camera loves close-ups of the apes (still a CGI. marvel); it loves the snow of the mountains and foliage of the Pacific Northwest. Michael Giacchino brings his best to the score. Serkis once again deserves all the accolades he can get, while Zahn brings much-needed levity as Bad Ape. It's the kind of movie so lovingly crafted that you wish it was a masterpiece.

The sad thing is I'm not sure I would recommend “War of the Planet of the Apes” to anyone. The franchise has had its ups and downs, but ultimately the goofy original films remain accessible, oddball science-fiction while this decade's prequels are intelligently written, fun action movies with a strong sense of theme and heart. “War” will appeal to die-hard fans of “Rise” and “Dawn,” particularly those attached to Caesar, but I don't know that large audiences fond of either the lighter or more action-oriented "Apes" movies will find anything to enjoy here. It's so desperately empty.

I compared “War” to this year's “Logan,” the X-Men film about a retired Wolverine facing his mortality. An argument might be made that both movies rely on a similar familiarity and fondness for an existing franchise to really land their emotional beats. To some extent, yes, but comparing the two just makes the blind spots in “War” even more apparent. “Logan” worked to earn its stakes by introducing a makeshift family for the titular character to care about, and kept the movie interesting (and thematically solid) with thrilling action sequences. “War” lacks all of that.

Do you watch “The Walking Dead?" Have you ever suffered through one of those interminable bottle episodes where a character spends 45 minutes dying, and they're so unlikable that you just want them to get it over with? That's “War.”

Okay, fine, you read this whole review, and I guess I found a much more elaborate way to say it, but the bottom line is ...

“War for the Planet of the Apes” is boring.