Supergirl

A potential tentpole superhero is undermined by one of the most wrongheaded takes in recent memory, with Kara from Krypton turned into a glum Callie from the Valley space vagabond.

Woof.

I’d heard bad things about “Supergirl,” but I’m pretty good about shutting out noise like that before seeing a movie. I’m not afraid of being in the tiny minority in loving a film most people hate, or disparaging a flick the madding crowd adores. But in this case, I’m stuck in the consensus: this is one superhero movie that doesn’t soar.

A lot of people are piling on star Milly Alcock. Apparently she made some comments the internet trolls did not care for, which is causing the movie to get prejudged like “Snow White” did. I personally think she’s fine in the role; it’s just that at the conceptual level it’s not a very interesting or appealing take.

We’re used to superheroes struggling with their powers or responsibilities, but this is quite another departure: a powerful being who just doesn’t seem to care. Look, up in the sky — it’s Apathetic Girl!

Supergirl aka Kara, Superman’s cousin who followed him from Krypton decades after he did, is turned into glum Callie from the Valley space vagabond. She just never jived with Superman’s true-blue commitment to protecting the innocent and being a paragon of good. So, she jettisoned Earth to go on an extended 23rd birthday celebration, which apparently has lasted some time now, and Superman’s getting a little concerned, dropping worried video messages like a kvetching mom.

(David Corenswet makes a couple of quick cameos.)

Kara goes from planet to planet, getting drunk and rolling up to raves, dolled up in her signature outfit of leather jacket, chunky boots and superstar sunglasses five sizes too big for her face. Her blond tresses hang in sticky hunks and don’t look like they’ve seen a lot of love, or even shampoo, in some time. This is especially noticeable when she sometimes goes out into space for a little fly time, and her hair splays out into a sort of intergalactic sleaze helmet.

Interestingly, Kara actually uses a spaceship to get from place to place because she prefers to stick to solar systems with a red planet so her powers don’t work there — otherwise she wouldn’t be able to get plastered. Her only companion is her dog, Krypto, who was a last-minute addition to the space capsule her parents stuck her in to follow in her cousin’s path. He’s a frisky fellow but not too discreet about where he raises his leg.

Kara falls in with Ruthye (Eve Ridley), a young girl whose family was murdered by Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts), leader of a group of brigands. In the course of their scrap Krypto is shot with a bolt tipped with the space pirates’ special poison, leaving him just three days to live. So Kara is forced to help Ruthye in order to also save her pooch.

(And so I’ll say again, now with added meaning — woof.)

They spend the rest of the movie hopping around the galaxy in pursuit of Krem — Ruthye for revenge, and Kara to obtain the antidote to the poison. Along the way they get occasional help and a lot of snorting scorn from Lobo, played by Jason Momoa, who seems determined to have a part in every superhero franchise. Lobo is a cigar-smoking bounty hunter-slash-biker-slash space vampire, near as I can figure. He shows up to make a snarky comment or lend an assist in combat, then disappears for long stretches.

Kara is very disdainful of the whole Supergirl persona, and indeed doesn’t even deign to put on the familiar red-and-blue costume until the very end. But something about helping Ruthye — after much loud indifference, of course — stirs something in her Kryptonian heart and she eventually embraces her purpose.

As superhero story arcs go, the curve on this one is painfully shallow. Director Craig Gillespie has helmed some pictures I really like, including “Dumb Money,” “Cruella” and “Lars and the Real Girl.” He’s a filmmaker with an indie heart and a bent sensibility, and the studios will occasionally turn to him when they want a left-handed approach to well-known material.

Screenwriter Ana Nogueira is an actress making her feature film debut as a screenwriter. I can’t lay all the blame at her feet since a Supergirl movie has about 18 different forces pushing and pulling at it, from the studios to the D.C. Comics people to millions of (mostly male) fans ready to pounce on anything that defies their precious “canon.”

That said, this has to be one of the most wrongheaded takes in recent memory. The script has plot holes you could steer an entire fleet of space cruises through, lazily sketched characters with just a couple of traits and some very liberal borrowing from other superhero movies.

(They even stole RDJ’s hilarious “Squidward” quip from “Avengers: Infinity War.”)

Let’s start with the whole save-Krypto storyline. We’re told the brigands use this special poison in order to blackmail their loved ones, and only they carry the antidote — on their person, of course, for the perfect MacGuffin. Like, literally nowhere else in the galaxy could someone create something to counteract it?

For that matter, Krem is a very head-scratching figure. He’s got metal studs inserted all over his face but speaks in a Slavic accent, and loves to taunt his victims. He kills Ruthye’s parents because her dad makes very good swords — which we then see hanging in Krem’s HQ on the wall, forgotten. Who cares about swords when you’ve got lasers and flying fortresses?

The movie also has a very difficult time consistently regulating the extent of people’s powers. At one point Krem is shown catching a tank midair one-handed, but apparently he’s no tougher than a regular humanoid. Lobo is presented as the ultimate badass, but then we seem him imprisoned by the brigands.

And the film keeps finding ways to nerf Kara’s powers. If she’s anything close to Superman, she should blaze through all these cretins in about four seconds. So in addition to red suns there are also green suns (poisonous), and of course plenty of Kryptonite shards all over the place. I swear, for one small planet in the universe, it sure did spread its spoor far and wide.

There are far too many scenes of Kara and Ruthye showing up in some new place, and demanding of the locals where to find the brigands. And then people variously respond, “What brigands?” or “I’m not telling you that!” or “Fight me and then I’ll tell you where they are!” And I kept thinking: dozens of planets, billions of people, and they all are supposed to know which brigands they’re talking about?

Things get a little better toward the end of the movie, when Kara eventually ditches her mopey ways, dons the suit and starts to deliver some long-awaited arse kicking. The action scenes are decently staged, though I got a little tired of the constant use of sudden slo-mo in the midst of the carnage.

I know plenty of folks who are sick to death of superhero movies and wish they’d just go away. I’m not among them and as far as I’m concerned, the studios can keep making them for 50 more years at this pace, so long as they’re any good. “Supergirl” isn’t.

That’s too bad. This could have been the start of a new tentpole, and I’d love to see more female supes in the spotlight. There is a funny conversation about why male superheroes are always named Something Man while the women are inevitably Something Girl, no matter their age.

Except Wonder Woman, bless her, though even her sequel was an absolute dog show.