“The Lone Ranger,” Disney’s feeble attempt at recapturing the magic of its wildly successful “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, feels more like the studio is beating a dead horse than delivering the rip-roaring good time we were all promised. The biggest accomplishment here is that the “Pirates” team has created such a bland and uncharismatic hero that you’ll be begging for Will Turner to make a return.
The story begins with an extremely weathered Tonto recounting the birth of the Wild West’s greatest hero and Tonto’s greatest friend, the Lone Ranger, to a young boy. At this point, the movie already feels doomed — a tired storytelling device that just comes off cheesy.
We’re then whisked back to the late 1800s where the story kicks off at a very slow speed. John Reid (Armie Hammer) is introduced to the audience not as the hero he’ll become but as a timid lawyer who hates guns. Reid is more interested in bringing justice to the land with intellect than brute force. This is the set up for how inept Reid really is at being the hero — a joke that’s funny the first 80 times.
The interesting thing about this movie is the fact that it isn’t told through the eyes of the hero but his sidekick. It’s definitely an interesting idea that, in the end, makes the movie feel even more disjointed. Tonto is given a pretty ample backstory while Reid isn’t given nearly as much, although I’m not really sure there’s anymore worth saying about him.
The acting throughout is either pretty hit or miss. William Fichtner is great as Butch Cavendish. He seems to have a lot of fun with the dastardly villain and, unfortunately, he isn't used often enough. Helena Bonham Carter’s character is intriguing but serves a very minimal purpose.
Beyond those two, the plethora of actors leave little to write home about. Armie Hammer just doesn't have the bravado or charisma to pull off the titular hero, Tom Wilkinson seems to phone his performance in and while Johnny Depp does well enough, his Jack Sparrow performance didn’t really fit here.
After sitting through nearly two-and-a-half hours of this snore fest, I can finally see why Disney was so adamant about trimming the budget down so much.
I will say that the finale has some pizazz to it and I legitimately felt excited, but it's just a shame that it comes an hour too late.
The Blu-ray does come packed with a plethora of special features, such as bloopers, deleted scenes and a few documentaries, but nowhere near enough to save this movie from the value bin.
Film: 2 Yaps Extras: 1 Yap