SPOILERS NO, REALLY ... BIG-TIME SPOILERS Heroic Autobot leader Optimus Prime left Earth at the end of 2014’s "Transformers: Age of Extinction" because he wanted to find and kill his Creator but it turns out he can’t fly in space and is immediately frozen, left floating aimlessly in space until he makes it all the way to his home planet Cybertron, which is heading to Earth and is piloted by Quintessa, the Creator robot he was looking for, who wants to use an artifact she once created to harness Cybertron's power to eat Earth, which is secretly a giant robot named Unicron, so Quintessa uses Optimus (now “Nemesis” Prime) as her slave / hunter to retrieve Merlin's Staff, the ancient Cybertronian artifact lost on Earth back in the 1400s when 12 Cybertronian “Knights” stole it from Quintessa and crash-landed on Earth, handing the staff to Merlin, as in King Arthur Merlin, before going into hibernation until the day Quintessa came seeking her tool and the destruction of Unicron / Earth to save Cybertron, which has been dying forever, anyway 1,600 years later the Decepticons are falling on Earth in endless waves while the humans hunt Autobots because of the Battle of Chicago seen in 2011's "Dark of the Moon," a movie now more than half the series old but still the coolest thing they ever did, anyway Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) has spent the time since the last movie hiding the Autobots at a junkyard in South Dakota, but is in Chicago looking through wreckage from the battle six years ago when he meets Izabella (Isabela Moner), a young girl whom he refers to as "little J-Lo" because she’s brown-skinned, anyway they find a Cybertron Knight in a crashed spaceship for some reason who has been holding on to the last vestiges of life with a six-year–old gaping wound, waiting for a fellow Knight to come and retrieve his talisman of unknown power, which he bequeaths to Yeager because Yeager hasn’t fucked in like 18 years and is now a virgin again, and then Yeager is tracked to his South Dakota base by the evil human forces who have allied with evil Decepticon leader Megatron and his "gangsta" lackeys, and in the ensuing escape Cade and Isabella and trusty but often silent sidekick Bumblebee meet Cogman, a hyper-violent robot butler to Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins), who needs Yeager to help solve the secret of Merlin's Staff, so then Cade and Bumblebee go to England and meet Burton who tells them about the Witwiccans, an organization dedicated to protecting Transformers throughout time, and subsequently explains that they need Merlin’s Staff and Merlin's last descendent to use it and stop Quintessa from eating Unicron, leading the group to meet Vivian (Laura Haddock), who is the super-hot last descendant of Merlin and who flirts with Yeager, who is too much of an asshole to reciprocate with anything but light abuse, leading the two toward a toxic mutual attraction that leads into director Michael Bay's attempt at a bizarre 30-minute sex comedy where her clothes become progressively more and more practical rather than slutty as she changes outfits, which is an odd first for Bay but fitting for how dissonant this film is, blah, blah, blah, they go into a submarine and Anthony Hopkins calls some guy "fat ass" and then they go to the Cybertron Knights' sunken ship where Merlin was buried and they get the staff but
Transformers: The Last Knight
Transformers: The Last Knight
Transformers: The Last Knight
SPOILERS NO, REALLY ... BIG-TIME SPOILERS Heroic Autobot leader Optimus Prime left Earth at the end of 2014’s "Transformers: Age of Extinction" because he wanted to find and kill his Creator but it turns out he can’t fly in space and is immediately frozen, left floating aimlessly in space until he makes it all the way to his home planet Cybertron, which is heading to Earth and is piloted by Quintessa, the Creator robot he was looking for, who wants to use an artifact she once created to harness Cybertron's power to eat Earth, which is secretly a giant robot named Unicron, so Quintessa uses Optimus (now “Nemesis” Prime) as her slave / hunter to retrieve Merlin's Staff, the ancient Cybertronian artifact lost on Earth back in the 1400s when 12 Cybertronian “Knights” stole it from Quintessa and crash-landed on Earth, handing the staff to Merlin, as in King Arthur Merlin, before going into hibernation until the day Quintessa came seeking her tool and the destruction of Unicron / Earth to save Cybertron, which has been dying forever, anyway 1,600 years later the Decepticons are falling on Earth in endless waves while the humans hunt Autobots because of the Battle of Chicago seen in 2011's "Dark of the Moon," a movie now more than half the series old but still the coolest thing they ever did, anyway Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) has spent the time since the last movie hiding the Autobots at a junkyard in South Dakota, but is in Chicago looking through wreckage from the battle six years ago when he meets Izabella (Isabela Moner), a young girl whom he refers to as "little J-Lo" because she’s brown-skinned, anyway they find a Cybertron Knight in a crashed spaceship for some reason who has been holding on to the last vestiges of life with a six-year–old gaping wound, waiting for a fellow Knight to come and retrieve his talisman of unknown power, which he bequeaths to Yeager because Yeager hasn’t fucked in like 18 years and is now a virgin again, and then Yeager is tracked to his South Dakota base by the evil human forces who have allied with evil Decepticon leader Megatron and his "gangsta" lackeys, and in the ensuing escape Cade and Isabella and trusty but often silent sidekick Bumblebee meet Cogman, a hyper-violent robot butler to Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins), who needs Yeager to help solve the secret of Merlin's Staff, so then Cade and Bumblebee go to England and meet Burton who tells them about the Witwiccans, an organization dedicated to protecting Transformers throughout time, and subsequently explains that they need Merlin’s Staff and Merlin's last descendent to use it and stop Quintessa from eating Unicron, leading the group to meet Vivian (Laura Haddock), who is the super-hot last descendant of Merlin and who flirts with Yeager, who is too much of an asshole to reciprocate with anything but light abuse, leading the two toward a toxic mutual attraction that leads into director Michael Bay's attempt at a bizarre 30-minute sex comedy where her clothes become progressively more and more practical rather than slutty as she changes outfits, which is an odd first for Bay but fitting for how dissonant this film is, blah, blah, blah, they go into a submarine and Anthony Hopkins calls some guy "fat ass" and then they go to the Cybertron Knights' sunken ship where Merlin was buried and they get the staff but